...I love the tiny elephants. The Doclopedia #914 The Alphabet: D Is For... Dream Gun: When the masked crimefighter known as Brother Night went out in the evening to hunt bad guys, his favored weapon was the Dream Gun. Many an evildoer was sent into a blissful dream state after being shot by it, only … Continue reading A Big Day At The Flea Circus
Tag: fiction
This Week’s Episode: Willie Borrows Clem’s Mule
...it's a laugh riot The Doclopedia #912 The Alphabet: B B is for...Baker Elves These jolly little elves stand just four inches tall and travel in family groups of 5 to 15. Most baker elves have blond hair, but redheads are not unknown. They all tend to be a bit on the chubby side, but … Continue reading This Week’s Episode: Willie Borrows Clem’s Mule
Handsome Joe Visits Uncle Stanley In France
...or, An American Basset Hound In Paris The Doclopedia #911 The Alphabet: A A is for...Auntie Madder In the Reality of Earth 125, most of the Milky Way galaxy is ruled by the terrifying, yet harmless looking, Auntie Madder and her “Girls & Boys”. Nobody knows where she came from, but when you can cause … Continue reading Handsome Joe Visits Uncle Stanley In France
Twelve Angry Hens
...who puts chickens on a jury anyway? Ok, I got the following strange note from Joe, our quantum mechanic for the Magic Bus, a little while ago. I have no recollection of what he's talking about, but apparently some shit went down last summer and he managed to fuck with time and fix it. I … Continue reading Twelve Angry Hens
Mr. Porkwaffle Brews Beer
...a fine brew it is, the aardvark incident notwithstanding. DogCon 5, End Of The Line Well, we're all home now and , it's good to see the old homestead. The bus is parked, the critters are in their proper places, Grace is in bed and I'm about to join her. I hope you all had … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Brews Beer
You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle
...you thought I'd say "tuna fish", right? The Doclopedia #730 What's That Sound?: Squeee...squeee...squeee...squeee...KLONK! This is, of course, the sound of one of the new Clockwork Executioners limbering up, then administering the blow that severs head from body. Invented in Bavaria by the possibly mad, but undeniably brilliant, clocksmith Rudolf Gortmann around 1730, these Executioners … Continue reading You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle
Handsome Joe Gets A New House
...with three doggie doors! The Doclopedia #657 Dangerous Animals!: Ducklings! “Alpha Charlie to Base...Alpha Charlie to Base! We've encountered the enemy at coordinates Foxtrot One Niner, near the long pond. Jesus, there must be ten thousand Quackies! Enemy is moving fast, really fast. Estimate twenty percent of our forces got hit by the Cuteness … Continue reading Handsome Joe Gets A New House
Hot Bloggage! Now Only $5.25 Per Pound
...when purchased in the 20 pound Family Pack The Doclopedia #656 Dangerous Animals!: Kittens! Oh sure, Citizen, a kitten may look cute, but they are very dangerous. Every year, upwards of 5,000 people are killed and eaten by roving prides of kittens! They usually send out one member of the pride, the alpha male, … Continue reading Hot Bloggage! Now Only $5.25 Per Pound
Basset Hounds VS Pie!
...Basset Hounds 1, Pie 0 The Doclopedia #647 All Bottled Up: Energy Drink As I've already explained in some detail to this officer, I am Professor Chetwin and that poor fellow is Professor Lindemuller and our bottle of Liquid Electricity has been stolen! Yes, Liquid Electricity! We've been working on it for the last … Continue reading Basset Hounds VS Pie!
The 13 Things You Never Want Have In Your Pants
...#6: Weasels! A Call For Suggestions Gentle Readers, I need your help with the Doclopedia. In a couple of months, I want to do between 30 and 60 posts on the theme of “Subject Line Madness”, in which each entry will expand upon some of the nearly 2,000 (actually, by then, over 2,000) subject lines/titles … Continue reading The 13 Things You Never Want Have In Your Pants
Is That A Mark III Thermo Unit In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
...oh my, it's armed! The Doclopedia #409 The Alphabet, Again: F is for... Fingers Of Hell The Fingers of Hell first appeared on one of the magic based Earths just after a great war had begun. Extending up out of the ground, they were five 1 mile long writing columns of what looked like smoke … Continue reading Is That A Mark III Thermo Unit In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
True Tails Of The Winkerdog
...co-starring her sisters, Neurotic Nelly and Speedy McBarksalot In Which I Prepare To Jump Into The Fire As I've mentioned a few times over the interwebs, I'm going to have outpatient surgery on my fucked up left shoulder on March 7th. This will put me out of work for about 6 weeks, assuming I heal … Continue reading True Tails Of The Winkerdog
Mr. Porkwaffle Sets Loose The Kraken
...no, really, it was his pet kraken, Oliver TWO Doclopedia posts here, my little gyring & gimboling slithy toves! Might do two more later this evening! The Doclopedia #402 The Alphabet, Again: C is for...Corn Man Some superheroes are just not cut out for the big time. Corn Man is a prime example of this, … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Sets Loose The Kraken
A Poem About Dancing Elk
...because they deserve it The Doclopedia #401 The Alphabet, Again: C is for...Czinnlik Czinnlik is a planet orbiting the binary star system Yarvax 9. Due to the two suns being rather small and not too hot, there is a rather large zone where planets can support life. Czinnlik is one of three planets in this … Continue reading A Poem About Dancing Elk
Cherry Flavored Fun In a Box
...just as good as the chocolate kind The Doclopedia #399 The Alphabet, Again: C is for...Cogs On Earth 52, where they just love to screw around with recombinant DNA, somebody decided to mix canine and feline genetic material. The result were cogs, part cat, part dog and all lovable...and infuriating...and goofy...and funny. Cogs have all … Continue reading Cherry Flavored Fun In a Box
Mashed Potato Volcano
...it erupts gravy NOTE FROM 2019: Due to a numbering error, I am off by 3 on the numbering of posts. This post SHOULD be #400, but I'm too damned lazy to renumber 1,800 fucking posts just now. So no, you are not going crazy. Numbering is off and I may have it fixed … Continue reading Mashed Potato Volcano
The Mysterious and Tense, Yet Somewhat Psychedelic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Meatloaf Of The Damned
...co-starring her best buddy, Orville Sweetcracker Doc Update Time for an update about life here at the D&G Cross Home For Wayward Basset Bitches. I haven't been doing these as regularly as I used to, so maybe this will be the start of renewed personal updatage. Or not. Healthwise, I'm now taking blood pressure meds … Continue reading The Mysterious and Tense, Yet Somewhat Psychedelic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Meatloaf Of The Damned
Congratulations! I Am Being The President Person Of Nigeria Bank With Money For You!
...please to be giving me your personal information The Doclopedia #397 The Alphabet, Again: A is for... Artichoke Kid The Artichoke Kid was a vicious psychopath and mob enforcer during the 1920-1928 time period. Originally from Castroville, California, he got his nickname from his preferred method of killing: stuffing a small artichoke down the victim's … Continue reading Congratulations! I Am Being The President Person Of Nigeria Bank With Money For You!
World Of Whorecraft
...it's WAY more fun to play The 366 Days of Blogging Hell Gentle Readers, It is just after midnight on January, 29th, 2012, my 58th birthday. As I promised a few weeks ago, I now start a leap year (366 days) of daily posts here and twice weekly posts on the fiction blog. However, since … Continue reading World Of Whorecraft
It’s All Fun & Games Until You Just Walk Into Mordor
...we should have listened to Boromir New, pre-Death March Doclopedia entry! I actually cried a bit writing this one. The Doclopedia #395 The Infinite Doc: Doc Cross, Canine Hero I wasn't always a dog, you know. Five years ago, I was an ordinary suburban homeowner, just about 4 months past my sixtieth birthday. Life was … Continue reading It’s All Fun & Games Until You Just Walk Into Mordor
Handsome Joe Goes Camping
...lots of things to sniff in the woods! My Advice To Young Men Young nerdy men often approach me and ask, "Mr. Cross, how can I become a shining example of male coolness like you?" Of course, other young men, much less nerdy than the first group, approach me and ask, "Can I see some … Continue reading Handsome Joe Goes Camping
The Thrilling Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Great Submarine Race
...from the July 1896 issue Rant: Shit I Do Not Understand 1: Why anybody gives a fuck about the Kardashians. Who the fuck are these people, anyway? How did they get a television show? Did I miss something and they were in a hit movie or maybe escaped from Iran or something? Did one of … Continue reading The Thrilling Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Great Submarine Race
I’ve Got Your “Loose Cannon” Right Here, Baby!
...be careful with that! Ok, Gentle Readers, after too long a delay, the final Big Balls post. I won't be doing any Doclopedia posts between now and my birthday on the 29th, but I do hope to post a few other things. Oddly, today's post is actually about big balls. The Doclopedia #394 Big Balls: … Continue reading I’ve Got Your “Loose Cannon” Right Here, Baby!
When The Bus Rolled In At Midnight, Billy The Shark Was On It
...they called him "The Shark" because he liked to bite people Subject Line: Promotions, Retirements and Vacations Since I've decided to go all balls out with the blogging and tweeting and facebooking and stuff starting on my 58th birthday and going until my 59th, I figured I'd try to add a bit of freshness to … Continue reading When The Bus Rolled In At Midnight, Billy The Shark Was On It
A Quail With A Pail And A Snail Wearing A Veil Conversed By Mail About A Tale Concerning A Frail Male Whale That Was Locked Up In Jail
...and fed only stale ale The Doclopedia #393 Big Balls: The Scientist & Inventors Ball Alright, boys, it's that time of year again, the time of the big shindig over on Third Avenue. For those of you who are new to the force, I'm talking about the 10th Annual Scientist & Inventors Ball. It's been … Continue reading A Quail With A Pail And A Snail Wearing A Veil Conversed By Mail About A Tale Concerning A Frail Male Whale That Was Locked Up In Jail
The Dociverse Blog 