...narrated by Sir Dorfner Twadloo The Doclopedia #2,524 In Case Of Emergency: Activate This Device INSTRUCTIONS: You are about to activate a sub-quantum disruptor. This will cause everything for 2,000 meters around it to become dislocated from our reality while also interacting with up to 300 other realities. The effects are truly terrifying and may … Continue reading Building The Zeppicopter →

...from Big Damn Pictures, 1944 The Doclopedia #2,523 In Case Of Emergency: Put On This Ring Yes, my friend, in an emergency, this ring can save your life, for it allows you to teleport to any spot on the planet that you can see or picture in your mind. Why, the great wizard Varil Veedo … Continue reading The Dancing Elks In “Las Vegas Holiday” →

...I sure hope so The Doclopedia #2,522 In Case Of Emergency: Read This Out Loud If you are reading this, Young Servitor, you are probably being beset by hordes of the Unenlightened, most likely Cezzliks. While the Blessings of the Great Gooey God are with you always, reading the following will prove very effective in … Continue reading Is This The Way To The Stargate? →

...I think a squirrel stole them The Doclopedia #2,521 In Case Of Emergency: Eat This Cookie Greetings from Z Branch, 003. No doubt you are in quite a fix just now, so do read these instructions carefully.This cookie contains a highly effective compound that we were able to extract from a mutant fellow from Canada. … Continue reading We Never Did Find Hector’s Underwear →

...much more frightening than combustion The Doclopedia #2,520 In Case Of Emergency: Pour This On The Floor Okay, so we'll assume you are being chased through a building and it's not looking good. Well, as long as whomever or whatever is chasing you is not flying, this potion should help you. Just pour it on … Continue reading Spontaneous Digestion →

...for levels 3-5 The Doclopedia #2,519 In Case Of Emergency: Throw This Grenade Soldier, in your hand you now hold a VDD 315 Mark 5 Extreme Destruction Grenade, commonly referred to as a “Hellblaster”. Once you have pulled the pin, you must throw the grenade a minimum of 80 feet away from you, then immediately … Continue reading Adventure S-1: Rescue Of The Goblin Princess →

...a story for dull children The Doclopedia #2,518 In Case Of Emergency: Drink This Potion Good Sir, Madame, or Other: Despite the no doubt perilous nature of your emergency, please read the following before drinking this potion. If your answer to one or more is yes, then proceed to drinking it.1: Are you in a … Continue reading Pudgy McFudgy And The Magic Plate →