…we suspect aliens
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A Short Lecture
How To Be A Dungeon Master
As we all know, Dungeons & Dragons has, in recent years, enjoyed a huge resurgence in popularity. Millions of people are playing it, watching it on various platforms, reading about it and spending enormous amounts of money on everything from rule books to miniatures to dice. Especially dice. The average roleplaying gamer owns more dice than you’ll find in Las Vegas on an average day, or even an above average day.
Now, this is all a very good thing. People getting together to tell a story while having fun is an excellent hobby to have. Of course, some of us prefer to gather with our friends to tell stories while having access to assorted liquors, but that is neither here no there. Actually, it might be there, if there is where you’ll find a bar stool. But, back to what I was talking about.
One of the things required to play D&D is a Dungeon Master. This is the person who plays all the parts that the players aren’t playing and tells them what they see and what is going on. They also handle any interpretations of the rules that may be needed. Although I am assured that the rules now are very clear and easy to understand, back in the old days, interpretation, and often outright deciphering, were very much needed.
Most Dungeon Masters, or DMs as we folks in the know refer to them, also create maps and other hand outs for the players. Sometimes they hand out snacks, too.
But how does one become a Dungeon Master, you ask while trying to steer this lecture back to the point? Well, I shall explain.
First, you must familiarize yourself with the rules. Read them over carefully until you have most of them memorized.
Next, create a few characters to use as “NPCs”. This will help you know how that is done, which will aid you when your players try to get tricky when creating their “PCs” (not to be confused with Personal Computers, which you might want to create, but that’s the lecture for next week over at the Elk’s Lodge).
Third, buy all the necessary books, miniatures, dice and other things you’ll need. You may need to get a bank loan to do this. Might as well buy a cart, too, since all of that will be heavy.
Fourth, design your game world. Fill it with memorable characters, thrilling locations, monsters, treasure and magic.
Fifth, make maps of your game world and various places. You can do this by hand or use various computer mapping products.
Sixth, write up an epic campaign, designed to last your gaming group for years of fun play
Seventh, assemble some of your friends and start up your first game!
Eighth, about 20 minutes into your first game, toss all of your lovingly created world out the nearest window because your players are doing unspeakable things on their way to some place not on your map, all the while obsessing over some off the cuff comment you made as flavor text.
While you’re at it, sell some of those books and buy a case of bourbon. You’ll need it.
Using a loud voice, a big stick and perhaps fire, finish DMing your first game.
Ninth, once your players have left after telling you how much fun they have had drink some bourbon to soften the realization that your career as a DM will consist of you pulling adventures and encounters out of your ass for years or decades to come while also trying to ride herd on a band of murder hobos. Take a couple more drinks when you realize that you will be stuck as DM forever.
Congratulations, you are now a Dungeon Master.
Good day.
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