Harry Potter And The Horny House Elves

…it made that year at Hogwarts rather nerve wracking

I love my Northern California, but sometimes I just have to laugh at my fellow NorCals. First moderately big storm of the year…quite a bit of rain…windy…and the local tv stations are doing “stormwatch coverage” with teams of reporters covering every little puddle or broken tree branch. Folks from the midwest and east coast would laugh themselves sick at this.

On The Road With Violet: A Bit Of Flashback

Early the next morning, just minutes after sunrise, Violet is seated on a small boat for her journey into the Great Marsh. Her guide is a young lady of 16 years, Verity Blaine, who dresses in a rather boyish style. Denim trousers, blue workman’s shirt, boots and a cap…not the sort of thing Violet would expect a pretty young blonde lass to wear.

Still, Violet can appreciate anyone who flaunts convention, so she gives Verity a big smile and a friendly hello.

“Pleased to meet you, Verity”

To her surprise, Verity blushes.

“Pleased to meet you, Miss Violet. Now you just sit there and enjoy the trip. The marsh is really pretty early on like this.”

Within a few minutes, Verity is expertly poling the boat through the marshy waters and Violet’s thoughts begin to drift back to yesterday.

“Now, dearie, you just come with us”, the Mayor’s wife had said as she and several other women hustled Violet into the house. “We’ll tell you everything you need to know.”

Once inside, they had taken Violet to a very nicely decorated sitting room and offered her a seat in a large and very comfy chair. Quick as a wink, tea and biscuits were served and Violet’s “briefing” began.

“It all began 6 months ago”, Mrs. Mayor said, “when two ogres moved into the marsh. At first, they kept to themselves and nobody thought much about them, except the folks who had reason to go deep into the marsh. You know…hunters, trappers, that sort.”

“But then”, chimed in an elderly lady with blue hair, “the music and singing started.”

Mrs. Mayor shot Blue Hair a sharp look and resumed the story.

“Yes…music and singing…quite loud, it must have been, to drift all this way. Still, you could hear it at all hours of the night. According to the hunters and trappers, it was driving the wildlife away.”

“What sort of music was it?”, Violet asked.

Mrs Mayor gave a haughty sniff and said, “I’m sure I don’t know, but it sounded rather American to me.”

Once again, Blue Hair spoke up. “It sounded rather Bluesy to me.”

Another sharp look and Mrs. Mayor continued. “Whatever it was, it was dreadful. But then, things got worse. They sdtarted to come to town! They’d come in, buy some supplies, drink at the pub and then stagger off into the marsh. Oh, such great ugly crude beasts!”

At that point, Mrs. Mayor had to take a deep breath and sip some tea in order to steady her nerves. After a bit, she went on.

“We tried sending an emissary to ask them to move out of the area, but poor Franklin never returned. Such a dear man…his mother was quite distraught.”

Again, Blue Hair spoke up. “He was a sweet lad…handsome, smart and an excellent dancer.”

Ignoring Blue Hair this time, Mrs. Mayor went on.

“After Franklin’s disappearence, we were at a loss as to how to proceed. Then, about a month ago, Mr. Woolcotton, our librarian, found an old book about ogres and other creatures. After reading it, we decided that a beautiful young woman could be used to charm the ogres and get them to leave this area.”

Violet did not like where this was going.

“And why did you not send a young woman in then, instead of waiting for someone from outside to arrive?”, she said.

Mrs. Mayor sighed. “We wanted to, but there was considerable arguing about exactly whose daughter would go. There was also the problem of finding a beautiful young woman who was also smart and brave enough to accomplish the task. That eliminated pretty much all of them.”

She took a sip of tea and then looked Violet in the eye.

“And then, my dear, you arrived. Beautiful, smart and, unless I’m guessing incorrectly, as brave as any man your age.”

After that, Mrs. Mayor and the village ladies had told her how she would be taken into the marsh by Verity (who was the daughter of a trapper and sister to five others) and left to enchant, cajole, reason with, threaten or even seduce the Ogre Brothers away. When Violet protested, it was made very clear to her that unless she went along with the plan, it would be a very long time before Sir Rupert, Nigel and Hercules saw freedom. In the end, she had no choice but to agree.

Violet is suddenly started out of her reverie by the sound of music starting up somewhere just ahead of them.