…it’s honey crunch coated!
The Doclopedia #58
Strongholds: The Castle Of Uul Zadir
It is written that when the bandit sheik Uul Zadir ek Zadaffa decided that he finally wanted to settle down, he found that his legions of enemies (including the Caliph, whose 5 daughters had all been relieved of their virginity by Uul Zadir) were not inclined to let him live in peace. He found this most annoying.
So it was that he sent out word among the common folk, the slaves, all of the people who loved him, that he required a worker of magic to assist him in settling down. Soon, the gifted one known as Hoon Joziss came to him. Hoon, it seems, had access to a very powerful qubodi, one of the Other People that live just beyond our sight. Hoon explained that he could persuade the qubodi to create an impregnable castle and grounds, well hidden from enemy eyes, if Uul Zadir would just perform one small task: Go up into the Skyhold Mountains and find one of the very rare white snow apes that lived there. Once found, he had but to persuade the ape to urinate unto a golden flask that Hoon would provide, then return said flask to Hoon, who would then give the qubodi the go ahead to build the castle.
And so, Uul Zadir went into the far off mountains with 30 men and returned 6 months later with 15 men and a golden flask full of snow ape urine. True to his word, as all honorable (but not necessarily honest) men are, Hoon set the qubodi to task and in 3 days, Uul Zadir stood looking at a castle that dwarfed anything any Caliph had ever dreamed of. It was, to be honest, a middling sized walled city. In a circle around the castle and extending out for at least 3 miles, there were green fields and light woods, with homes for farmers and clear running streams that started at the edge of the fields and ran into 4 small lakes at the compass points. Uul Zadir was pleased indeed. A single road extended from the castle gate to the outer edge of the green.
And then, my friends, the whole thing faded away and reappeared in the middle of the desert known as the Black Oven of the Gods. At first, Uul Zadir was furious at having his lovely castle placed in the center of the most inhospitable place known to man, but then Hoon asked him exactly which of his enemies he expected to see come here for him first.
This gave the bandit sheik pause, since in truth he could not imagine anyone being foolish or brave enough to venture into this hellish place. He allowed as how Hoon had made his point.
Then Hoon asked if he was perhaps overly heated and would like some cool water.
Uul Zadir laughed then, because he noticed that here, on the lands around the castle, it was merely a warm spring day. Looking out into the desert, he noticed that the air was blurred by the heat coming off the black sand.
But how, he asked Hoon, would anybody get here to help populate his castle and lands?
Hoon said that they should walk a bit down the road, and so they did. At the edge of the green lands stood two large pillars, each topped by a statue of Uul Zadir. As they passed between them, they found themselves not stepping out onto the black desert, but onto a small side path that lead to the main trade road from Koshim to Decastor. Looking back, Uul Zadir saw only a wagon wide path that lead between two large white stones.
No enemy of Uul Zadir would ever be allowed to pass through the gateway, Hoon explained, but the people who loved the bandit sheik would find quick passage to a better life.
Again, Uul Zadir laughed, long and loudly. He told Hoon that he could, if he wished, dwell in luxury in the castle for all of his days, wanting for nothing. He also said that any qubodi that wished to visit him would be welcomed as a visiting sheik and treated accordingly.
Over the next several weeks, many thousands of people made their way to Uul Zadir’s castle. Many of his enemies, hearing of it’s location, rode to the edge of the Black Oven of the Gods, but none seemed to want to venture in.
Meanwhile, Uul Zadir had decided that he needed some wives and, as it happened, he knew just where to find five sisters who would be more than wiling to live in his castle.
But that, of course, is another story.
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