Here, Hold This Jackhammer For Me

…it was a TOON game, so things went badly for the holder

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NOTE FROM THE FUTURE (November, 2019): I don’t know why I didn’t post about Winker sooner this month, but she really recovered well once the pills the vet prescribed kicked in. She was 90% her old sweet self and would live almost exactly one more year.

NOTE FROM THE FUTURE #2 (January, 2022): In about 6 weeks or so, it will mark 10 years since Winker died. We still miss her.

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Ok, I owe y’all (and myself) some Doclopedia posts, so here we go with Lawmen Week.

The Doclopedia #206

Lawmen: Marshall Galzea Ovir

Galzea Ovir is the daughter, granddaughter and great granddaughter of lawmen & women. So well known is her law enforcing family that many criminals just give themselves up if they hear that she is after them. Galzea has been Imperial Marshall of the Greenwood district of the Marposian Empire for 5 years now and the crime rate has plummeted.

Galzea is a 5’4″ woman of mixed human/elvish ancestry. She keeps her greenish blonde hair short and usually wears mithril armor. Her favored weapons are a longbow for distance and a broadsword for close up work. Besides being an extremely proficient fighter, Galzea is also a third circle wizard and a rather talented theif. She usually rides a well trained gelding horse named “Storm” who has been taught a number of useful tricks.

When traveling around her district (which is 200 miles across from east to west and 90 miles from north to south), Galzea is often accompanied by her deputy, Quilosh Dhuul, a Siriptan axemaster.  If she needs more backup than Quilosh can provide (and that is a rare event), she will bring along Kanday Blayze, her best friend and a wizard of the seventh circle.

AFTER THE CHANGE CAME

A Day For Returning To The Blogosphere

Yes, friends & neighbors, after 3 years of no blogging and precious little internet activity (or gaming or writing or anything not involving international/interspecies relations) at all, Uncle Doc is back with a new blog. Gaia willing and the creek don’t rise, I should be blogging a few times a week for the next few months. My old blog got lost in the web somehow, but my computer guide, Sin, tells me that he’ll get it archived again Real Soon Now. I’m not holding my breath.

So, to get everybody back up to speed, I’ll post an introduction this time and then on my next post I’ll tell the “Second Honeymoon Story”, mostly to let the younger folks know from my very personal point of view how we all got this way and also because most of my good friends really like hearing it.

Anyway, the inevitable Introduction.

I am…

…57 years old (but when The Change came, my body got reset to about 18, so I’m now looking 30)

…male

…a Mutant (I’m a Speaker)

…of Irish, Portuguese, Scottish and Native American ancestry, in that order.

…married (36 years now, to Grace, who is a Green Lady)

…a Dad to Roscoe, a Smart Dog and to Lily, a Smart Cat

…a brother (first to Rosie and Kelly, then after the Change to Hank, Bob, Violet, Pansy and Merle)

…a son (to Bill and Gerry, who are young Gnomes now)

…a graduate of the Hobart School for Young Ladies and Gentlemen (even though I’m neither of those)

…a native Northern Californian (a fact I am both proud and rather smug about)

…a gamer (all sorts of games, but mostly roleplaying, computer or board)

…a game writer/designer (but nowadays, isn’t everyone?)

…a writer (ditto)

…an Official Diplomat for a wide array of local, regional and continental governments (because there are like, only two other Speakers in all of North America. Also: not nearly as glamorous a job as you might think)

…a movie buff (all the movies ever made are on the internet now? See you in a year or ten!)

…a big fan of science fiction, the old pulp adventures, humor and horror (see the above statement about movies, but swap books for movies)

…an avid birdwatcher. I used to be an avid gardener, but when your wife is a Green Lady and your mom is a Gardener Gnome (NEVER call them “garden gnomes”!), you start feeling inadequate.

…an uncle (8 times over, not counting my honorary unclehood to friends children)

…a pretty damned good cook, when our House Elves will let me in the kitchen

…a tea drinker (especially Gnomish Gold and good old Oolong)

…a beer drinker (especially Guinness Extra Stout and Wild Wizard Ale)

…a redhead (lifelong, but now a really metallic red that sets off my yellow eyes, or so I’m told. Both are part of the whole Mutant package)

…a dedicated con goer (Grace and I go to at least one con per month, from the small & cozy local SacCon to the really big ones like GenCon and WorldCon.

…a pretty funny fellow (according to friends & family)

A Day For Hating Fools

Ya know, like most everybody, I like Gnomes. They’re helpful and hardworking and fun as hell to hang with. Also, much of my family gnomed out during The Change, as did pretty much everyone else’s families.

But April Fools Day is like their species holiday. They just go nuts with pranking. Simple pranks, elaborate pranks, just plain goofy pranks…they do ’em all and in my family and my neighborhood, I seem to be the Grand Prize Pranking Target.

This year, even my normally serene and earth motherly wife got in on the act (shoes glued to the floor, bathroom turned into a jungle), as did my supposedly loyal children (leaking tea mug, whoopie cushion)! I can’t even imagine what my parents, siblings and other relatives have planned for me.

And it’s only 9:00 in the morning.

I think I’ll start drinking early.

A Day For Recovering

I seem to have over indulged on the scotch yesterday, as I’m feeling less than 100% today. Around 34%, actually.

All of the April Fools wackery has been undone, including the spell that kept causing my pants to fall down to my ankles, so all is right again here at the farm. Hank even moved the chicken house to a better spot before he removed the legs from it. The chickens seemed pretty thankful for that. My mom swears all of my clothes will be their proper colors in a day or two.

Grace has some big mental conference with the Ten Thousand today and Lily doesn’t feel like going out, so Roscoe suggested that he and I go hiking. I think we’ll go walk along the American River and maybe cross over the Sunrise bridge into the oak woods to the south. I’m thinking I’ll take along some cheese and sausages for us to snack on. Plus iced tea. Gotta have iced tea.

More bloggage later.