…and gets a bags of bones for Xmas
The Doclopedia #479
Seven Questions About…: Our Alien Overlords
Where did Our Alien Overlords come from?
From a star system 129 light years away. They rule that system and four others.
Why did they destroy so many of our cities?
Because we dared to fight back, plus, they just don’t like cities much.
Do they really eat humans?
Yes, yes they do. Humans are tasty and nutritious food for Our Alien Overlords.
Why must we work so many hours each day?
Because otherwise, you would not get fed or housed or given medical care. Besides, 16 hours a day is not that long of a work day.
When people are gathered up for transport, where are they being taken?
Some are shipped to the new colonies on Mars, but most are sent back to the Alien Homeworld as pets or, more likely, food.
Why don’t our Overlords harm nonhuman animals?
Our Alien Overlords have very strict religious and cultural rules about needlessly harming non-sentients. Additionally, they are not very tasty and a few (dogs, pigs, kangaroos) are toxic.
Will Our Alien Overlords ever leave Earth?
No, now shut up and get back to work. You still have 14 hours left.
The Doclopedia #480
Seven Questions About…: The Steam Titan
Who invented the Steam Titan?
That great inventive genius out of Indiana, Professor Fred Chummler, inventor of the Tunnel Boring Tank, the Sky Village and the Trackless Locomotive.
Where was it constructed?
The outer shell of the Steam Titan was constructed at the Gary Metalworks in Gary, Indiana. Parts for the interior works were made in places as far away as Texas, New Jersey, Oregon, California and Vermont. Most of the weaponry was built at a secret location and almost all of the revolutionary punch tape programming was done at M.I.T. Like the weapons, the top secret steam boilers were built in a secret laboratory.
What is it made of?
The outer body of the Steam Titan, which stands 150 feet tall, is constructed of an amazing alloy called Starkonium, a creation of Mr. Augustus Stark. It is far lighter than steel, yet many times stronger than any other metal. It is quite difficult to make and is very expensive. It is nearly indestructible.
What can the Steam Titan do?
Besides being able to move in any way a human body can, the Steam Titan is also capable of traveling underwater for up to 24 hours at a time. It can function effectively in steaming jungles, blistering deserts or frigid arctic wastes. It can be used to patrol areas that previously required hundreds of soldiers and their equipment. It can also be used to explore new areas where civilized man has not yet gone.
Is it self aware?
Oh no, it has no self awareness. Those few times when it has acted a bit peculiar are just the result of momentary hiccups in the machinery or programming, Professor Chummler assures us. Any semblance of self awareness is due solely to advanced programming.
What are those weapons on it?
The Steam Titan comes with an amazing array of weapons with which to guard America and her interests. These include .50 caliber machine guns, rocket launchers, flame throwers, gas canisters and Professor Chummler’s ingenious sound wave cannon. The latter weapon can do many things, from merely stunning a human to blasting a hole through a brick wall.
Is the Steam Titan safe?
The Steam Titan is 100% safe. It has been encoded so that certain commands, when issued by certain people, must be obeyed. For even greater safety, the number of people who know these commands has been limited to four, and none of them know all of the commands. Take our word for it, when the great Steam Titan goes into actual duty tomorrow, nothing will go wrong.
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