…made with extra love, seasoned with lust
CritterCon 11
Trip Day One (by Daisy)
Hi, folks! Daisy here with our Day One trip report.
Daddy woke us all up at 6 this morning and Jeeves served up some great BREAKFASSSTTT FOOORRR DOGGGSSS! And cats, rabbits and skunks. We all chowed down and then found comfy spots for a little nap.
(Silky: In a living room with never fewer than six long sofas, it’s easy to find a comfy spot.)
(Goldie: This bus is insane, but also the most dog friendly place I’ve ever seen.)
The humans got up about 6:30, just as we were leaving South Sacramento headed toward Elk Grove. It’s pretty strange to look out the window and see all the houses spaced so far apart, but it’s also kind of nice. Businesses and stuff all seem to be in large shopping centers or malls. Same goes for any sort of industrial stuff.
Anyway, our first stop of the day was actually just south of Elk Grove and a few miles off the highway. It was the World Famous (because humans just love to use that term) Dice Museum. If you think for half a second that Daddy, Uncle Spike, Uncle Peter, Uncle Brian and Uncle Gabriel were gonna pass this up, you’re nuts. Fortunately, it opens at 7:00 in the morning for some reason, otherwise they might have broken into it.
(Sasha: Oh, I don’t think anybody but Daddy would have actually broken in.)
(Sadie: True. The others would have just waited for him to come open the door.)
(Roxie: Humans are strange animals.)
Now, I’m a gamer and own a few hundred dice, but this place was just crazy. The two dudes that own it, Rich and Tony, have 275,000 dice! Yes, you read that right, over a quarter million dice. The museum is in an old warehouse and has three levels. There are all sorts of plaques and stuff telling the history of dice and dice games and stuff. It was hella interesting and we spent two hours there. I think the only reason we left is because Mom and Auntie Mary started tapping their feet and folding their arms and giving Daddy & Uncle Spike the stink eye. Before we left, we bought t-shirts and bumper stickers and fridge magnets and yes, dice. Heroin got nothing on dice addiction.
(Misty: I must remember that foot tapping thing when Luke gets all absorbed in chatting up another fan of old musicals.)
Daddy put the Bus on autopilot and we all lounged around the living room talking about dice and games and how cool it was that everything was at 1980 prices.
(Leon: Cat food is like, less than half the price it is in 2018!)
About 45 minutes later, just south of Stockton, we stopped at our next roadside attraction, a Giant Jesus. Those of you who have read previous con reports know that Daddy loves checking out giant sized Son of God statues, especially if you can go up inside them. Auntie Mary is nearly as bad.
(Sasha: It’s some mental illness.)
(Luke: Says the dog who has never met a classic car show she didn’t stop at.)
(Silky: Or a dogpunk band whose album/cassette/cd she didn’t buy.)
(Sasha: You two suck.)
So I need to explain that on this Earth, in this United States, religion is not nearly as popular as it is on our world. Also, they tax churches if they make over a certain amount. For some reason, the tax code taxes “religious statues and historical monuments” at a much lower rate, so the churches put up these bigass statues or they try to get things and places recognized as historical monuments. All of them ask for donations for “upkeep” because they cannot charge for admission. And, of course, they have gift shops.
(Leon: Gift shop owners weep with joy when they see Uncle Doc coming.)
So this particular Jesus is about 70 feet tall and in excellent repair. He’s pretty realistic looking, too. Only 4 humans at a time can stand in his head, but only Daddy & Auntie Mary went up. The rest of us actually spent most of our time looking at a herd of cows that some cowboys were driving across the highway. When the two of them came down, they agreed that it was a good Giant Jesus, but not a great one.
(Max: Probably a good thing that Mr. C has no grandkids, or the poor little tykes would have to listen to him tell endless stories about Giant Jesus statues.)
When we got back on the Bus, those of us who are NHT went to the Game Room to play assorted games. The humans spent the next half hour chatting.
(Janet: I really enjoyed playing Dixit.)
(Penny: Yes, that was fun. So was Kill Doctor Lucky.)
Our third stop, at around 11:00, was in Modesto at the Old Toy Museum. Apparently, it’s not World Famous. The humans all really loved this place, with the words “I used to have this!” being repeated dozens of times. There are a whole lot of toys at that place, so if you are a human and ever get over to Earth 1-G, you ought to check it out. Personally, aside from the Star Trek stuff, I was not impressed. No rubber bones, no squeaky toys, not even a tennis ball!
(Silky: I opted to take a nap instead.)
After spending 90 minutes looking at old toys, everybody was hungry. We went to a place called Mama Marie’s Pizza and damn was that some excellent chow! We all got on the Bus almost an hour later with full bellies. Napping ensued.
(Leon: We may have answered the question “Can you eat too much pizza”.)
We actually got to our next stop an hour later, but Daddy let everyone sleep for another half hour before waking us up to see World Famous Skeleton Town in Chowchilla. Yes, it is exactly as the name says, an Old West town populated by skeletons posed in ordinary ways. Skeletons at the saloon, skeletons at the church, skeletons at the general store and jail and livery stable ans school and walking on the street! Human skeletons, horse skeletons, cow skeletons, dog, cat and bird skeletons. Skeletons of all sizes.
(Misty: I am now totally convinced that The Doctor possesses the mad ability to find the strangest roadside attractions.)
(Sasha: Oh, girlfriend, that one was nothing. The Serial Killer Museum and that goddamn Zombie Toontown or whatever they called it, were WAY creepier.)
(Sasha: Also, stop calling him “The Doctor”. You just feed his ego.)
(Misty: Sorry mate, but I’m an English bitch and when I meet an eccentric bloke named Doc who owns a TARDIS, he’s The Doctor to me.)
Now, dear reader, nobody likes a bone better than me, but this place was a fuckin’ creepfest! Okay, not as bad as the serial killer museum we once visited, but not far behind. Just to add to the creepiness, the family that runs the place is cheery and wholesome and now that I think of it, that makes them creepy, too. We spent 30 minutes there and I’ll probably have nightmares tonight.
(Goldie: I had a nightmare that bones wanted to eat me!)
After Creepfest 1980, we drove almost straight through to Bakersfield. I say almost because we stopped to check out another Giant Jesus, but it was only 25 feet tall and you couldn’t go inside it and it was kind of run down. Daddy was pretty disappointed.
(Luke: The rest of us, not so much.)
Right now we are all on the Bus, which looks like a Ford Econoline van and is parked in a Motel 6 parking lot. The kitchen bots are cooking up a feast and then we are all going to watch some local tv and old movies. Tomorrow, we resume our journey.
Live long and prosper,
Daisy
Destination Sign When We Started: The Mountains of Madness
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Cucamonga
The Dociverse Blog 