…apparently, we needed a new one
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The Doclopedia #2,232
Stuff You Need: The Emergency Coat
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Folks, if you regularly find yourself in situations that threaten your life, you need the Emergency Coat! Bullet and stab proof, this stylish knee length coat, with hood, will not only keep you warm and dry, it includes many pockets holding the following items.
An automatic pistol of your choice with two extra clips.
A 9 inch double edged dagger
A small waterproof flashlight
A set of lock picks
A secret pocket for your important papers and money
A second secret pocket with a fake ID and money
A small tool kit
A “slim jim” for opening locked car doors
A set of brass knuckles
100 feet of thin, but strong, rope.
A drugged dog treats
A simple disguise kit
A burner cell phone
Order now and receive a free set of smoke grenades!
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The Doclopedia #2,233
Alt. Olympic Events: Downhill Fucking
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On Earth 3-G, the Olympic Games are much more interesting than in our reality. Most of the sports are completely different and the most different one is Downhill Fucking, a Summer Games event.
The event takes place on a twisting and turning downhill run that id very much like a bobsled run. The two person team, buck naked, gets onto a specially built cart for the run downhill. Not only must they control the cart, they must have sex in a graceful, yet lusty, manner for the entire run. Orgasms are not required and in fact could lead to crashes on some of the more challenging turns.
As of the latest Summer Games in 2016, Brazil took the Gold, the United States took Silver, and Thailand took Bronze.
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