We Are All Out Of Fish Today

…maybe try the clams

The Doclopedia #2,667

More Annotated Entries: Agent Roscoe, FBI Paranormal Investigator

Roscoe is a medium sized mutant Basset Hound/Beagle mix, 7 years old, 50 pounds, reddish brown & white coat, brown eyes, long ears and his right one has a small bullet hole in it. (Roscoe died of old age at 16.5 years old, but he got better.) He does not wear a collar.

He has full color vision, just like a human. Agent Roscoe is one of two non-human agents assigned to the Special X Unit of the FBI, working out of the San Francisco office. (The other was a goat.) His duties usually involve reconnaissance, tracking and surveillance, but he also has extensive knowledge in the fields of cryptozoology and animal behavior. (In fact, he authored three books on those subjects.) He became an FBI agent at age 18 months and joined the X Unit shortly after his second birthday. He loves his job and has been decorated twice for going above and beyond the call of duty. (By the time he retired at age 13, Roscoe was the head of the unit and had been decorated five times.)

Although he has some telekinetic power, Roscoe only uses it in times of great peril, since the use of it leaves him very tired. (Around age 11, his powers began to fade.) Lacking opposable thumbs, Roscoe does not carry a gun. However, if needs be, he can administer a very painful bite thanks to his very sharp teeth. (He later got some of his teeth capped with a much harder substance.)

Like other mutant canines, Roscoe can talk. In fact, besides English and Canine, he is fluent in Spanish, Cat, French, Russian, Rodent and Japanese. (He also had a wonderful singing voice and favored 50s doo wop.)

While not fearless, Agent Roscoe is very brave. He also has a very strong sense of loyalty and a hatred of those who oppress the weak. He’s also not very fond of vampires. (In fact, at age 9, he personally killed 4 renfields, then exposed Dracula to intensified sunlight, destroying him and an estimated 900 of his “children”. He then put Dracula’s ashes, ring and clothing into a sealed silver box that NASA shot into the sun.)

In his spare time, Agent Roscoe enjoys Asian food, chasing bitches, reggae music, reading pulp magazine reprints and napping. (In his 11^th year, Roscoe re-connected with the love of his life, Zou Zou, and married her. They are now living their second lives in an undisclosed location.)