…using shoelaces, a can of creamed corn and a newt
Pets Are Screwy
I have owned many pets in my life. Dogs, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, dwarf rabbits, rats, mice and a plethora of other species. I have known even more pets that belonged to family and friends. One thing I’ve learned about pets, at least the mammalian ones, is that they are screwy. Goofy. Nutty. Wacky.
Some examples:
My dog, Winker, will flop down on the floor and, after a minute or so, begin to moan and whine at a near inaudible level. After a couple of minutes, the whining gets louder. At about the 4 minute mark, she jumps up and starts growling and woofing at stuff nobody else can see. There’s nothing wrong with her physically, she’s just screwy.
A friend had a cat named Gus. Gus would climb up on something, ranging from a footstool to the top of a high bookshelf, and lie down. Ok, pretty normal catlike behavior…except that he would then begin to lick himself…moving a bit closer to the edge with each lick…until he invariably fell off. I reckon in his long (like, 18 years) life, he must have fallen off stuff a thousand times.
Another friend had a cat that would suddenly leap up from a sound sleep, stare at a spot a few inches in front of it, yowl loudly and then run like hell for the opposite end of the room…where it would promptly fall back to sleep.
My pet rabbit, Mr. Bunny Rabbit, who shared my apartment (with Pig Pig the guinea pig, Gandalf the parrot and Larry, Moe and Curly the hamsters) back in the late 70’s, would sometimes run full tilt around his large pen. After 5 or 6 laps, he would stop, catch his breath, then attempt to have vigorous sex with his red rubber ball.
My cousin used to have a large dog that would fall asleep with his head buried under a pile of dirty laundry. This same dog would also spend the better part of an hour trying to curl up and sleep in a cat bed that was about 5 sizes too small for him.
So, if you own a pet, what screwy things do they do?
The Dociverse Blog 
Took me a bit to remember the screwy things my pets do, but this morning brought one of them:
My dogs, Teddy and Tara, love the snow. They romp and play and run about, but the screwy thing is that in the winter, their favorite toy is snowballs. Just this morning, as thick, heavy snow falls, I let them out for their morning constitutional in the back yard. Since I didn’t want to be out there all morning, I tempted them back in by scooping up a handful of snow and making a snowball. You would’ve thought it was hamburger, the way they came running! Screwy, cute and fun! Plus: bonus holiday cheer!
My cat Lydia (the Tattooed Lady) used to stretch herself gradually over the edges of things… and then look startled when she finally fell off.
Lydia would imitate me. I’d make a waving motion to encourage her to jump up on the couch, and she’d reach up with her paw like she was waving, too.
Emma (Peel), the one in my avatar, used to just suddenly, once in a while, fall off the arm of the sofa. I’d hear a thump, then she’d wander around the sofa’s corner, trying to look nonchalant.
Emma also played fetch. I would toss little white stones and she’d catch them with her paws and/or in her mouth, then she’d bring them back and drop them at my feet, unless she saw me looking, at which point she would drop the stone immediately. She would also crawl out my arm to get anything I was holding if it had cinnamon in it.
My current cat Millie (Vanilli) stomps back and forth over my lap when she wants me to feed her.
My cat spends most of his time hanging out in the cupboard under the sink. If someone sits on the toilet, he usually emerges and demands the bathroom user pat his but until he falls over. He likes to come out to the living room in the late evenings and demand spankings from whoever is using the computer. Sometimes this will excite him so much that he’ll curl up and suck his own nipple, purring orgasmically while flexing his front claws.
When I was a kid, we had a Samoyed who would have been useless as a guard dog. The more he knew a visitor, the louder he barked. Best friend from down the street? Minutes of excited barking. New client of my dad’s? Barely a notice. His best hope against a burglar was to trip him as he entered the door unsuspecting a giant mass of dog at his feet.