…do you think I’m kidding?
The Doclopedia #52
Things That Blow Up Real Good: Halfling Fireball Eggs
There have been very few halfling wizards over the last couple of millenia, but there is one whose name will forever be remembered: Poldo Farmer. Born the 3rd child and second son of old Nodwell “Noddy” Farmer, it was apparent from early on that he was “tetched by the magic”. The most obvious example of this was when, at age 6, he got a case of the hiccups at the Summer Festival and, each time he hiccuped, caused a small rain of rose petals to shower down around him. This was a much better received event than the one that occurred when he was 10 and accidentally turned half of farmer Diggns’ apple crop into blueberry muffins. At that point, his parents had no choice but to apprentice him to the human wizard Drindor the Blue.
After about a decade and a half of apprenticeship, Poldo returned home and set up shop as a “consulting wizard”. Most of what he did was related to agriculture or building construction, with the odd foray into curse removal or monster eradication. His life was comfortable and predictable for many years, until the ogres came.
The ogres had only recently learned how to work together at anything, least of all a fighting force, which is probably why they chose the peaceful halflings to attack. Unfortunately fot the ogres, they chose to start things off by first circling the halfling community, then spending a couple of days yelling scary threats.
Not having a standing militia or even a police force, the halflings went to Poldo for advice and some magical help. At first, Poldo just enchanted a few pitchforks and rakes for use as weapons, but then he got another idea. Gathering up three dozen fine laying hens, he cast an enchantment upon them. He then cast a second enchantment of several bags of grain and a third upon his old water pump.
The enchantment on the hens caused them to lay three eggs a day, triple what they normally would. The grain they were fed caused each egg to be enchanted with a “dormant” fireball spell. The enchantment on the pump made the water the catalyst that caused the eggs to explode once the shells were cracked.
On the day of the pre-announced attack, the ogres were pretty cocky and ready to shed blood. No sooner did they start advancing, however, than they were met by a hail of eggs which exploded into fireballs that took out anywhere from 2 to 4 ogres each. All told, the one sided battle took less than five minutes. About a third of the ogres survived to run far away and spread the story of the terrible halflings and their horrid eggs.
Poldo was hailed as a hero and the townsfolk erected a statue of him in the village green. A few months later, he refined his spell spell so as to insure that fireball eggs would always be available in times of need. Here’s how he did it…
1: He enchanted fifty hens and ten roosters of the red and yellow breed formerly known as Frog Hill Layers. These hens and all of their pure blooded offspring would become known as Poldo Firehens. They look quite distinctive and are raised by only a half dozen approved farmers. Their behavior and their eggs are quite ordinary, until the eat…
2: The grain from a one acre plot of land that Poldo enchanted. It doesn’t really matter what type of grain is planted there. In fact, the halflings only plant grain there every third year, in order to replenish the older grain that they keep stored safe and dry. Once the hens eat the grain, they start laying triple amounts of eggs that go boom when…
3: They are immersed in the water from any one of three enchanted pumps. These pumps are located a couple of miles apart, for safety during an attack. Of course, the last attack was nearly 200 years ago and 120 years after the ogre attack and was really just a couple dozen drunken orcs who were quickly dealt with.
The halflings have, on a few rare occasions, provided eggs for use in larger battles of good vs evil, but these have always been used by halfling egg hurlers who are specially trained.
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