How To Grow Ferns

…Step #1: Buy some ferns
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The Doclopedia #1,625

It’s All Fun & Games Until…: The Shit Hits The Fan
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“Welcome back to Fux News coverage of the President’s rally here in Whiteyville. The estimates are that there are 50,000 people here in the arena and another 20,000 outside. It is expected that the President will tell everyone how great the country is doing and how he plans to win re-election bigly.”

“That’s right, Shawn, and he will do it in a nice breezy arena thanks to those three huge fans over there, donated by an anonymous supporter. The outside temperature here in Whiteyville is 99 degrees today, but that breeze has it down to a balmy 80. Oh, wait…we’re being told the president is stepping up to speak.”

“Yes, Blondie, there he is, accompanied by Governor Dick Weed and Senator Bitch Bogonnel. Now they are all at the front of the stage and…wait, it seems the fans are speeding up. Probably a minor glitch. Wow, that’s a really strong wind.”

“I can see some men heading toward the fans. They seem to be pulling in large cables or hoses. The fans are up to near hurricane speed now and…OH MY GOD! They’re spraying raw sewage into the fans! It’s going everywhere!”

“The shi…I mean sewage is covering everything! Oh no, the President got some right in the face! Governor Weed has fallen face first into more. Senator Bogonnel seems to have swallowed some. The crowd is trying get out but many are vomiting and more are slipping in the sewage. Oh, this is terrible! Look, the First Lady is so disgusted her facial expression changed!”

“Shawn, it looks like one fan is turning toward us and…AIIIEEE!!!”

“Oh fu…”

PLEASE STAND BY. TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.
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The Doclopedia #1,626

It’s All Fun & Games Until…: The Lights Come On
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“Oh, Renee, I am scarred for life! I probably won’t ever be able to go home again. I saw…I saw…oh, God, it was terrible. I may also need to kill my brother, who is still sitting in his car laughing at me. God, I wish drinking alcohol didn’t make me sick, because I’d drink a half a bottle, then pour the rest in my eyes.

Okay, okay, I’ll explain. You know, I was supposed to be at the Student Volunteers meeting tonight from 6 until 11, but it got canceled at the last minute. Anyway, Rick gave me a ride home and when we got there, the house was dark. Rick said Mom & Dad were probably over at the Miller’s house, so I started up the walk while he was listening to something on the radio.

I got to the door and could hear Frank Sinatra singing, but I figured they had just left the radio on. Anyway, I opened the door and turned on the lights and there…there they were.

Dead? Oh, God no, it was even worse. THEY WERE HAVING SEX RIGHT THERE ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR!”