…is that a foodie thing or just an Aussie quoting Star Trek?
Oh, look, the final entry for Things Found Underground. Starting tomorrow: After The Change Came, which ties in with the fiction blog.
Oh, wait, there might just be a couple of bonus Things Found Underground when the entries get put up on my website. I do it outta love, you know.
The Doclopedia #289
Things Found Underground: Secret Headquarters
Ok, ok…fair point. Why should you let Pinelli Brothers build your secret headquarters and why build underground? First question first…
My brothers and I are fourth generation contractors whose family has been specializing in secret headquarters since 1880. Right there, you’ve got over a century of experience. Why, you can barely name a famous hero or villain that we haven’t done work for! And we’ve worked all over the world, too. Every continent and on or below the surface of most of the oceans and your larger lakes. We can get the job done to your specifications and done on time, my friend. You think Federovich and that bunch of thugs of his can do that? Guess again!
And speaking of old Piotr, did you know that he uses labor from all over Eastern Europe? Why, half of those mugs can not only speak English, they can read and write! You don’t want that kind of security breach waiting to happen. Oh sure, you can have them taken care of, but I’ll promise you that they’ll only kill about a third of them, then charge you $200.00 a head for the lot of them!
Now here at Pinelli Brothers, we use only non-English speaking illiterates from Africa and Asia. We treat ’em well, feed ’em well and pay ’em well. When the job’s done, we send ’em home with a pocket full of cash and the next time we go hiring, they line up to sign up. In over a hundred years of business, we’ve never had a security breach. Federovich can’t say that, as Doctor Darkness would tell you if he weren’t locked up in an ultramax prison.
Now, why build underground? Two main reasons: cost and security. Yeah, those fancy islands and dead volcanoes and mountaintop castles look cool, but the land costs money and even the best security can’t cover everything. Why, just look at The Green Golem. That secret island fortress of his was well hidden and pretty sweet…until that 9.2 earthquake and the 65 foot tsunami. After that, it was just so much flooded wreckage.
But underground, the weather is never a problem. No wildfires, curious tourists, highway construction projects…Christ, did that ever piss off Satanicus…or other threats. Earthquakes? Not unless you build in the wrong places, and we do extensive testing before we start any project.
And the cost? Pretty much freakin’ free! No kidding, right now there are five different secret headquarters under London alone, and we could build 50 more! New York? I’ve lost count. You pick the spot or we help you and my friend, we can start right in building.
We use only the best building materials, including some pretty bleeding edge stuff. See that stuff right there? Looks like a thin sheet of glass, right? Wrong! It’s a new diamond based substance that’s almost impossible to break.
Now let’s run some numbers here and see what we can come up with.
The Dociverse Blog 