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The Doclopedia #2,107
Guest Authors Write Warning Labels: Robot Tree Trimmer
By William Reger
WARNING!
Do not attempt to alter, adjust, tamper, or remove the Robot Tree Trimmer restraint chip. No matter what it says, it does not meet the requirements to be considered a sapient creature.
Always have your remote control on/off control box handy and with a full battery while monitoring the Robot Tree Trimmer. This will allow you to control the actions of the Robot while keeping a safe distance.
Do not operate the Robot Tree Trimmer near anything, or anyone, not needing trimming. Keep pets, children, and other loved ones in a protected space well out of sensor range of the device.
Always monitor the Robot Tree Trimmer while it is working. While it is quite capable of understanding instructions, vague statements such as, “Trim up the view” is likely to result in a clear-cut of all tree, shrubs, wood playsets, or other framed, or standing, items in line of sight of your home.
Do not approach the Robot Tree Trimmer while it is in operation! Always ensure the Robot Tree Trimmer is OFF. Luckily, you will likely only make this mistake once.
The Robot Tree Trimmer is not a guard accessory for your property! Do not “sic” the Robot Tree Trimmer on intruders. The units are not fully sealed and certain fluids can interfere with the restraint chip.
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The Doclopedia #2,108
Guest Authors Write Warning Labels: Z-9 JetPack
By Ron Wm. Hurlbut
Congratulations on your acquisition of the completely new and improved Avro Z-9 Jetpack!
Much more jet is now packed into this latest version!
WARNING: Due to the highly sensitive high level clearance required to obtain and operate this proprietary military grade equipment the may, or may not apply:
On take-off you are required to count to ten backwards from three
Shake well before using
Keep hands, feet and other appendages clear of intake, exhaust and
propulsion manifolds
Wear appropriate Personal Protection Equipment
Do not operate while under the influence
Do not under any circumstance flatulate while operating this device
Nose bleeds may result from high altitudes: Wear nose plugs (included) to avoid bleeding on highly sensitive navigational apparatus
Do not navigate over large bodies of open water
Stay clear of high tension lines
Operating at high altitude may result in the following symptoms: Changes in the color of your skin, confusion, cough, fast heart rate, rapid breathing, shortness of breath, slow heart rate, sweating, wheezing, euphoria and death
Do not point nozzles directly at your eyes
The ringing in your ears may or may not be permanent
Ensure that all straps are firmly in place and secured around your personage
Especially that one
Avoid contact with other airborne and/or land borne objects
Not to be used over active volcanoes
Ensure all personal objects are secured
Do not ingest fuel
Consult a mortician if gums or bowels do not stop bleeding
Operate this side up at all times
May induce vomiting
Stand clear of hazard areas
Explosively flammable and inflammable at the same time
Hot surface: Do not touch
May cause frostbite
Erectile dysfunction is a known side effect
May the saints bless you
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