…from the August, 2021 issue
The Doclopedia #2,417
Well, That Was Unexpected: Geese
“So it was a jolly fine Saturday morning when I walked down to the lake shore with Miss Polly Widmere, whom I intended to ask to marry me. She was, and still is, the most wonderful woman I know. I had the ring in my pocket and a blanket for us to set on and my courage was just about at full steam.
Upon getting to the intended location, we spread out the blanket and sat down. The whole thing was picture perfect. The morning sun through the trees, a very slight breeze blowing, waterfowl out on the calm lake, and birds ‘a chirping. It was as though the Almighty had said, “Right, Graham, here you go, lad” when he set the scene.
We had just begun to look into one another’s eyes when I noticed three things. First, there were, not far behind us, several nests full of very large eggs. Secondly, I heard a loud and menacing noise from behind us. Finally, I saw Polly’s face go all terrified as she screamed and, I must note with some appreciation of athleticism, jumped up and started running.
I looked over my shoulder as I leapt to my feet and saw a good dozen large angry geese heading toward me. I take no shame in telling you that I screamed and began to run. Alas, I was two steps into a world class sprint when my foot hit a pile of that which well fed geese leave behind during their busy day. My feet flew out from under me and I fell flat on my face, a good thing, actually, as I was covered in angry geese a moment later.
I was pecked, bitten, stomped upon, beaten with wings, and soiled by those huge demon fowl. Fortunately, within a minute or two, Mister Haimes, the Widmere’s gardener, soon arrived to chase the beasts off with a leaf rake. He then helped me, sore, bleeding, and totally disheveled, up to the house, where Polly and her sister helped me was up and then applied first aid. They also applied a large whisky, which I was in dire need of.
Eventually, a week later, I did finally ask Polly to marry me, which she agreed to. In a nice, safe, living room, with nary a goose about.”
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