Never Turn Your Back On A Wet Winkerdog

…lest she try to climb onto your lap

As you might guess from the above, The Girls are now freshly washed and about 90% dry. They smell like wet dogs and vanilla scented shampoo.

And now, because I’m bored, the 50 Things meme.

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yep

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Smoked it? No, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never met anybody who smoked it. Most folks shoot it. I snorted it. I have smoked opium, which is the base stuff of heroin.

3. Do you own a gun? Yes, but it’s not here at my home

4. Your favorite song? I have too many to make that choice

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Nope

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Good ones are great cuisine. And putting ketchup on a hot dog is a horrible perversion.

7. Favorite Christmas song? Hell, I dunno…Jingle Bells?

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tea

9. Can you do push ups? Nope

10. Favorite body part (on yourself)? Internally? My brain. Externally? My legs.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? The only one I have: My emerald ear stud that is my “wedding ring”

12. Favorite hobby? Sex

13. Do you put butter on your Movie popcorn? I don’t eat popcorn

14. Do you have A.D.D.? No, I just act like it because I’m a stubborn old fucker.

15. What one trait do you hate about yourself? My temper

16. Middle Name: Travis

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I’m hungry…that dog is screwy…it’s getting dark out

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday: paperback books, food, gas

19. Name 3 things you drink on a regular basis. Milk, water, tea

20. Current worry right now? As it often is, money

21. Current hate right now? The vast stupid herds of the human race

22. Favorite place to be? Somewhere where it is summer

23. How did you bring in the New Year? I drank a beer while watching tv

24. Where would you like to go? Australia

25. Name three people who will complete this: I have no idea

26. Do you own slippers? Nope

27. What shirt are you wearing? Bright yellow t-shirt

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope, too slippery

29. Can you whistle? Yes, but not like I could before I had dentures

30. Favorite color? Green

31. Would you be a pirate? No, I’d be THE pirate!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Depends upon my mood. Today, it was “Crazy” by Willie Nelson

33. Favorite girl’s name? Poppy

34. Favorite boy’s name? Sam

35. What’s in your pocket right now? These gym shorts have no pockets

36. Last thing that made you laugh? The Girls

37. Best bed sheets as a child? That was 40+ years ago. I can’t remember.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Painwise? Racking my nuts in a 30 MPH dirtbike wreck.

39. Do you love where you live? No

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two

41. Who is your loudest friend? I’ve never measured their volume.

42. How many dogs do you have? Two

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Of course. Most likely, many people do. I’m lovable and sexy.

45. What is your favorite book? I cannot choose.

46. What is your favorite candy? M&Ms

47. Favorite Sports Team? Team Gryffendor

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? I have a long list, but “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin is at the top

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? Goofing off online

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? The same thing I think every morning: “Gotta pee”