…starring Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello and 43 cats
Ok, folks, here is the final post for The Undead. Starting tomorrow: Altered (United) States.
The Doclopedia #227
The Undead: Ragnar, The Ultimate Skeleton
Ragnar was the most feared of all the Howling Horde. He stood 7’3″ tall, was as strong as any 3 normal men and feared absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, at the tender age of 28, his wife poisoned him so she could then marry his brother.
Despite dying, Ragnar still had a future. Before his body could be burned, his old friend Feorn the Mage stole it and began a reanimation ceremony. The ceremony took a bit longer than Feorn had originally planned, by about 3 years. You see, some of the necessary ingredients were a bit hard to find. The testicles of a Great Troll were especially difficult to acquire.
By the time Feorn got down to the real nitty gritty of the reanimation, rats and maggots had pretty much stripped all the flesh off of Ragnar’s bones. Still, once the ceremony was done, the skeleton was up and about and had Ragnar’s spirit bound to it.
But Feorn wasn’t done yet, no sir. He cast a few more spells and turned the bone into stone, gave Ragnar a high resistance to magic, slapped an aura of fear on him and then hasted the whole deal so Ragnar is faster than any normal skeleton. And then Ragnar was promptly bound by a spell to protect Feorn’s castle.
It would seem that Feorn had it all figured out…except for the part about leaving Ragnar with intelligence. Being able to think meant that Ragnar knew he was stuck in the castle forever. It also meant he could figure out that, although he was bound to protect the castle, he wasn’t bound to protect Feorn. So, if you go to kill the Wizard and take his stuff, Ragnar won’t do much to stop you. Fuck around with the castle, though, and he’ll turn you into a smear on the castle floor.
Feorn is completely unaware of this potentially fatal flaw in his plan.
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