Who Is Franklin G. Weemingly?

…and why does the International Conspiracy fear him?

The Doclopedia #322

By The Numbers: 500

…was the serial number of the robot purchased by Mr. Lester H. Dinmont of Sark, Nebraska. The robot, an advanced stock tending model, was going to be used to inspect and manage 200 head of Jersey milk cows. For the first year, things went well and the genius programming of the robot (now identified by the name Rudy) allowed it to learn a great deal from Mr. Dinmont and his family, which included his wife and 5 children.

Then a series of bad events hit the Dinmont family in rapid succession. Their milking barn got badly damaged in a storm…Mrs. Dinmont got hurt in a car accident and was off work for 8 months…the price of cattle feed went up…little Wendy Dinmont was diagnosed with a rare blood disease…and a virus killed 14 cows. Debt was piling up and things looked bad.

Normally not programmed for independent thought outside his main job, Rudy began thinking of ways to help the Dinmonts. In short order, he had…

Reformulated the cattle feed into a much more efficient and cheaper product.

Rebuilt the milking barn and redesigned/robotized the milking machines so one person could operate all of them.

Used microsurgery to artificially inseminate each cow with twin calves, thereby doubling the normal calf production rate.

Found a cure for Wendy’s blood disease.

Entered an online poker tournament and won $250,000.00, which he gave to the Dinmonts.

And that is why now, in the Christmas photo the Dinmonts send out each year to friends and relatives, Rudy is included as one of the family.

The Doclopedia #323

By The Numbers: 4,761

…would be the estimated number of White Pekin Ducks that escaped from an overturned truck on State Route 20 near Lucerne, California. Normally, this would mean that most of the ducks would be recaptured or, if they escaped into the wild, eaten by predators. In this particular instance, the other truck involved in the head on collision was hauling radioactive medical waste that all of the ducks were exposed to. After that, things got strange.

The ducks developed a hive mind and an intelligence that was far above that of mere humans. They also developed arms instead of wings and the ability to both speak with and control certain humans.

Having escaped into the mountains of Mendocino county, the ducks soon had a small army of human slaves working for them. Within a year, the ducks had increased their numbers to over 25,000 (most of the mutated ducks were females and they all raised at least two clutches of eggs that hatched 4-6 babies) and set about enslaving humans in key governmental and military positions. Within 5 more years, the had taken control of half the planet. In another 3 years, they ruled it all.

Which is why we now celebrate 25 years of glorious and peaceful rule by our benevolent and loving masters! All Hail The Duck, Our Global Masters!