…if by “savage” you mean “always hungry and spoiled rotten”
The Doclopedia #324
By The Numbers: 57,000
…was how many US dollars Dickie Zagle and Fred Varner managed to steal from the armored truck that ran off the Old Canyon Road and damned near landed on their fishing camp on the bank of the Feather River. Delighted with this sudden windfall, Dickie & Fred hauled ass out of there before the cops could arrive. Thinking it might be a good idea to get out of the state, they headed for Las Vegas.
Unfortunately, they stopped off in Reno for a few beers and some casino buffet food and a few hours later, they crashed into a tree near Yerington. Dazed and hurt, they wandered off in search of aid and fell into a nearby hole in the ground.
They were found the next morning by a wandering hiker named Bob Ulverton. Unfortunately for them, Bob had already searched their car and taken the bag of money. He did give them a canteen of water before he left, which helped them assuage their thirst before the police arrived to check out the wreck an hour later. By then, Bob had walked to the main highway and hitched a ride east with a passing motorist who gave his name as Dave, said he was heading to Interstate 50 to get to Kansas…
…and then shot Bob and dumped his body outside of Ely, Nevada. Well, dumped it after the voices in his head told him to write more of his Satanic Manifesto on it in pink lipstick. After that, Dave drove on to Kansas, totally unaware that their was 57,000 bucks in that canvas bag in the back seat.
Which is why he wasn’t as pissed off as he might have been when two teenage girls on the run from an abusive stepfather hotwired his car while he was in the can at a gas station outside Denver. The two girls drove north until they hit Interstate 80, at which point they headed east for Minnesota, where one of them had some family. Being only 14 and 17, they were very scared about driving a stolen car, but were still crazy happy when they found that bag of money.
So they stopped for the night in Omaha and got a room at the Motel Six, They ate a good dinner at Steak & Shake, then went shopping for hair dye & new clothes at Target. They slept well that night and left the next day looking completely different. Still, driving that hot car was not a good idea, so they grabbed their stuff and the money and stole a beat to shit old Ford truck. Amazingly, it got them all the way to the Minnesota state line with Iowa, near Albert Lea, Minnesota.
It was there that, through an amazing number of strange coincidences, the bag of money ended up on a truck carrying alfalfa hay south to St. Louis. That load of hay went to the St. Louis Zoo, where, upon finding the money, the zookeepers in charge of the rhinoceros exhibit promptly donated it to the zoo so they could buy a mate for poor old Chester the Black Rhino. When said mate arrived several months later, she and Chester almost immediately started doing the hot rhino boogie. They have since produced three young in 5 years. This has delighted the children and zoo going public of St. Louis.
Meanwhile, back in Minnesota, the two girls got to their relatives and had a happy life,
Dave got shot by cops in Texas after he was caught writing more of his Satanic Manifesto on three waitresses that he strangled,
Bob’s body fed 2 coyotes, 5 vultures and about 14 crows.
Dickie and Fred had been seen leaving the site of the armored truck crash. During questioning, Fred folded like a house of cards and said it was all Dickie’s idea. Since they didn’t have the money, The jury believed their tale of being robbed by Bob and they both went to jail for just a few months. Once they got out, Dickie moved to Oregon and sold used tractors and Fred went to work at a Wal Mart outside Manteca.
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