…Number 1: Sober up!
The Doclopedia #563
How To Murder…: A Clockwork Woman
She was very, popular, Miss Lina Muller, the Clockwork Woman. People all over Europe, would flock to see her and hear her speak. She was declared a Marvel of Science and proof that the human imagination had no limits. Her father, Professor Rudolf Muller, was hailed as one of the Great Geniuses of Our Time.
So you can see that she was an abomination in the eyes of God. Only the machinations of Satan could move a man to place the living brain of his teenage daughter into a cold lifeless body of metal, rather than let her die naturally of her disease so that she might join the kingdom of heaven! I knew as soon as I heard about her that I must do God’s work and destroy her!
Naturally I spoke of this with other priests, but they would not discuss the matter and warned me that I was on dangerous ground. The fools! Of course I was on dangerous ground! One is ALWAYS on dangerous ground when on seeks to confront Satan!
Going higher up in the Church proved useless and I convinced me that most of the Church hierarchy have been corrupted by Science and the Forces of Hell. With a saddened heart, I knew I must walk this path alone, but hoped that the destruction of the metallic demon would cause my brethren to once more see the light.
Since the Clockwork Woman was almost always surrounded by a crowd when outdoors, I knew that I could get close to her. Yes, close enough to put an exploding bullet into her brain, close enough to send her soul to Heaven! I set about my planning, which was made much easier by the posted itinerary for her latest speaking tour. After deciding upon Rome itself as the place, I set about having a single shot handgun of large caliber made, along with a bullet designed to explode upon impact. While the gunsmith did his work, I traveled to Rome to get fully acquainted with the speaking hall and it’s environs. I decided that I would do the deed on the front steps, where she was sure to enter.
For the next 12 days I spent most of my time praying for Holy Guidance, that my aim would be true and that I would live long enough for a trial, that I might make people see that Satan was behind this great fascination with things scientific.
When the day came, it was as though Our Lord had made the way easy for me, which of course he had. I walked up the steps with hundreds of others and kept edging closer until she was no more than six feet from me. Her face was that of an innocent girl, but made of cold metal. I said a prayer, drew my gun and fired.
The sound was deafening, but that mattered little as I saw her head explode in a thousand pieces. At that moment, I felt the Power of God flowing through me. I had dealt the Evil One a powerful blow and surely his Demons were howling in terror!
I never felt the blow that knocked me out, but my head was throbbing when I woke up here. I’m told that I was barely saved from the crowd, who would have torn me to bits. Perhaps that would have been better.
You see, they all came to see me, to question me and speak to me. First came the police, then government agents from several countries, then doctors of both the mind and body, then a group from the Vatican itself. It went on for days, the questioning. It seems that the exploding head of the Clockwork Woman killed three other people and injured five more. I told them that those people would be in Heaven now, along with Lina Muller.
Then, this morning, I was visited by Professor Muller himself. He stood staring at me for several minutes, then called outside the cell for someone to enter. That is when I started screaming, which I did for many hours until my voice was gone.
He had called for Lina, his daughter, and she entered the cell with a new head that had more mobile features than the old one. She explained to me that in it’s nearly indestructible case, her brain was too large to fit into the head of the clockwork body, so her father had placed it into the chest instead. The shooting was unfortunate, she told me, but they had only been a few days away from finishing the new head, so it was a minor inconvenience. She told me she would pray for my soul, then left with her father.
The Vatican emissary came in next and told me that I had been judged too insane for a trial and would spend the rest of my life locked up here, to be supervised by Clockwork Men & Women. He told me that I should pray for my soul, but I know it is too late, for I am already in Hell.
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