…he was happy because his dog told him Satan loved him
The Doclopedia #564
How To Murder…: A Cartoon Character
Well, good luck with that. We here at the FBI have kept records of attempted murders of toons since the Bureau was founded. We have thousands of them on the book and that doesn’t include anything appearing in cartoons. Despite what you’ve heard in that movie, in the real world, “dip” does not work, although a toon might act like it did to get a laugh. So far as we know, toons cannot be killed by any known method. However, we do post the following list on our website due to public interest.
Failed Attempts To Kill Toons (does not include common things like shooting, stabbing or poisoning)
Blown up by dynamite
Blown up by other explosives (including nuclear weapons)
Ground up in meat grinder
Dropped into molten lava/steel/etc.
Fed to various starving carnivores (including genetically revived dinosaurs)
Crushed by steamrollers/falling objects/landslides
Electrocution, either via man made device or lightning
Re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere from space
Dissolving in acid or alkaline solutions
Blasted by lasers
Freezing (to 3 degrees above Absolute Zero for a week)
Baking (up to 9,000 degrees for 24 hours)
Compression under enormous weight, then freezing, then immersion into acid
All known diseases
Insertion into a vacuum
Inflation to enormous size via high pressure air, then popping
Bitten by every known venomous creature
Liquefied in a blender
Imprisoned in solid steel, then dropped into the Challenger Deep
Shot with an experimental particle beam weapon
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