Iceboxing

…it’s a polar bear martial art

 

CatCon 4: Day 5 A lazy day…Critters Assemble!…we view two houses made of stuff

Our Monday got off to a later than usual start. This can be blamed on: adults going out for adult beverages and fun the previous night…and everybody being tired from walking around the city streets yesterday…and it being a vacation…and it’s friggin’ New Orleans!

So after rising at the crack of 10:00 AM, we humans went down the street for a hearty breakfast and left the critters on the bus with a movie playing on the big screen tv.

Flash: It was “The Incredible Journey”. I love that movie!

Abby: It would have been better with a few goats.

Unfortunately, in my muzzy headed and hungry state, I neglected to activate the security system, so when we came back 45 minutes later, we found the front door open and heard all hell braking loose inside.

I hurried in just in time to see Abby head butt some young street punk in the ass while he tried to simultaneously remove Flash from his neck, Lucy from his pants leg and Winker from his arm.

Flash: Just walk in to our house, will he? I think not!

Lucy: Little punkass hoodlum!

Abby: Have some Goat Fu, you little punk!

Winker: He tried to hurt Lucy, so I bit a piece outta his arm!

He wasn’t doing very well, as was indicated by his pleas to me to call them off and his profuse bleeding. Being a kindly sort, I only let them fuck him up for another minute before I called them off. He thanked me as he sat cowering. When he saw everyone else enter the bus, he began the street punk chant about “just messing around” and “didn’t mean any harm”. He was still saying that when I tossed him off the bus face first into a parked car.

Then I raided the pantry and fridge for rewards for the Animal Avengers.

Lucy: A whole pot roast! Oh yeah, baby!

Abby: Man, that was a lot of apples and grapes. *BURP*

Winker: Pizza! Delicious all meat pizza!

Flash: Smoked salmon and raw shrimp! I’m gonna go pass out for a day or two.

Minutes later we were back on the road and hauling ass for Texas. We made good time and were coming up on Lake Charles when Avis, who has been sitting in the co-pilot/dog chair, pointed out a sign that said “World Famous Manure Mansion: 20 miles” and had an arrow pointing north. A quick vote said that no damned way could we pass up that bit of roadside greatness, so we made the turn. In less than 20 minutes, there we were, in front of a huge mansion made of (as the big sign out front said) cow manure mixed with concrete.

Flash: A house made out of cow crap? And they get upset if we pee on the floor?

Lucy: Humans are the only mammals who would build something like that.

But it looked pretty damned ordinary to us, because it was painted white and styled like pretty much every southern plantation house ever made. The sign went on to explain how the owners brother ran a cattle feed lot in Texas and had lots of manure, so blah, blah, blah! It was a big disappointment. We were expecting stacked cow patties or a house shaped like a giant turd or something. What a ripoff.

Abby: Dad thinks not getting to see a house more obviously made of shit is a ripoff? WTF, Dad?

We were, however, more than repaid for that bitter disappointment by what we found just over the Texas state line near Beaumont: “The World Famous Gator House”.

Winker: They all got excited about that one, because humans = crazy.

Friends and neighbors, this place is not only right off the highway, it’s cheap ($3.00 a head), has a guided tour and is by God alligator fuckin’ central! The house itself is 120 feet long, two stories high and looks like a very realistic alligator. But wait, there’s more! The entrance arch over the long driveway? Made of 4 big concrete gators! The pond in the middle of the front yard? Fenced and full of live gators! All of the furniture, appliances, artwork, rugs, etc? Looks like gators or is covered in gator hides! Hell yeah!

They had FIVE different t-shirts…about a dozen kinds of fridge magnets…scads of postcards and a bunch of other gator related stuff. I may need to have Joe create a new room to hold everything we bought.

All Critters: ALLIGATORS! BIG HUNGRY FUCKIN’ ALLIGATORS! We all hid in the shoe room!

And then we drove on to Plum Grove Texas and our stopping point for the night.

More late ass blogging later.

Music: The Zombie Jazz Quartet “Brain Music”

Destination Sign: Downtown Atlantis