The Valentine’s Day Romantic, But Also Slightly Spooky, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Gerbil Of Doom

…co-starring her cat, Yorick

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The Doclopedia #1,818

Why I Did It…: Bought An Old Schoolhouse

Courtesy of Sarah Lyon

Well, we bought it because it was cheap. I mean, come on, 25K for a three room schoolhouse on two acres? It was a steal. The main room was tall enough to put in the bedroom loft for another 3 grand, while converting the bathroom was 5 grand more. The tiny kitchen served us for another year before we knocked out part of a wall and modernized it. That was 10 grand.

We converted the old teacher’s cabin out back into a combination tool shed and chicken house. I think that cost about a hundred bucks. So really, we spent way less on everything than it would cost to buy a house closer to town.

Yes, We do live next to that old haunted cemetery, but we made sure that all of those ghosts know that we will protect their resting places. We’re buying that whole 4 acres of land next months for back taxes. I think that’s maybe 3 thousand or so.

The Doclopedia #1,819

Why I Did It…: Blinked

Courtesy of Avis Crane

I blinked because I needed to after several minutes of not blinking! We didn’t dare blink while those three angels were right there and we had our backs to the wall. That was the most scared I’ve ever been!

No, I don’t know where Mr. Smith was off to, but when he gets back, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind! “Don’t blink!” is not enough information when you’re facing creatures like that. Our eyes were getting dry as hell!

Anyway, after about three minutes, I remembered that yesterday, Doc, who is another real piece of work, but at least he has some equipment normal people can use, had asked me to hold onto that flasher doodad he sometimes uses. So I get it out and I tell Jill and Dana that when I use it, it should let me tell these things to do something and then we can escape.

So I flash the three of them and say “forget us, stare at each other”, and I’ll be damned if they didn’t do just that. Since they were looking at each other, they were still quantum locked and they couldn’t move.

We ran like hell until we were out of there and back here at this phone box. Now give me that bottle of eye drops and find me a big stick so I can crack Mr. Smith on the head when he finally gets back.