….poor little gerbils
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The Doclopedia #2,079
Twenty Miles Through The Goblinwood: The Third Five Miles
Alright now, you listen up good to this, because this third leg of your journey is the most dangerous part. See, it’s about now, when you’ve descended a bit into lower land, that you need to get up in them huge trees and travel along the Branch Road.
Why? Because the floor of the forest has about a million big slimes, oozes, jellies, puddings and and blobs living just under the leaf litter and not a damned living thing survives there for long, that’s why! Hellfire, even some of the undead like zombies and ghouls get eaten. No, you climb your asses up the vines until you’re a good 200 feet up.
You’ll see the Branch Road marked out real clear. The Tree Kobolds painted the branches red along the entire route. You don’t have to worry much about them Kobolds. They’re all pretty cowardly. The Bark Trolls are another matter. They’ll be after you within minutes. Move fast though, and you’ll stay ahead of them, probably. If one does catch up to you, fight him with all you’ve got and you’ll probably win.
Other things you need to worry about are thrinks, floating claws, trap moss and Qualimaxius, the Great Tree Dragon. Now, old Quali isn’t all that great in size, or even age, but the snakey looking bugger has a big ego and that right there is his downfall. You start praising his good looks and telling him how his name is known far and wide. A few minutes of you bullshitting him like that and he won’t kill you.
Then, you mention that you’re heading through the Goblinwood to steal some great treaure item. Then you tell him that if he let’s you get on with your mission, you’ll cut him in for most of the loot. He’ll give you a hearty goodbye then, but if you came back through the woods, you’d best have some treasure for him.
Once you’re done with the dragon, you’ll have some of his scent on you, so the rest of the way through the woods is prety easy. Now, you fetch me another ale and I’ll tell you all about your last 5 miles.
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The Doclopedia #2,080
Twenty Miles Through The Goblinwood: The Final Five Miles
The good thing about the final five miles is that you can stop running. Fact is, once you get down out of the big trees and back into the normal sized trees, running will probably get you killed. See, now you’ll be in the part of the Goblinwood that’s full of goblins. Villages, individual huts, hunting camps, outlaw camps, the woods are full of them. You put that little rogue fella out front and let him scout ahead.
There ain’t much else to fear in this part of the woods. Oh, sometimes a bear or a tiger might pass through, but you’ll do better watching out fot those green skinned goblin sons of bitches.
Once you clear the Goblinwood, the trees get really spread out and you’ll see lots of grassland. It’s crawling with goblins, too. They’ll have some ogres and bugbears hanging around, too. If you’re traveling by night, which you damned sure better be, I’d suggest making a little raft and poling up the Karanzi River. You’ll probably get to the Goblin Lord’s pyramid by dawn. After that, mates, you are on your own.
Good luck and try not to die.
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