…in her housecoat and slippers!
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The Doclopedia #2,180
Hot Spots: Po’Eox 3
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This is a Hell Planet. Temperatures on the surface average about 180 degrees and can hit 250 in some areas. There is almost no surface water and what there is will poison you. The 50 hour day and lack of any really large mountains means that hurricane force winds sweep the planet daily. The few creatures that come out at night to hunt are incredibly dangerous. The only habitable places on the planet are in deep caves or on the very small polar caps.
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The Doclopedia #2,181
Hot Spots: The Jungles of Wez
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How would I describe the jungles of Wez? Hot, damp, smelly, dark and full of millions of things that want to bite you or kill you or both. The rivers are wide, slow moving and just as full of danger as the land. The humanoid tribes you will meet will want to either kill you, enslave you ot eat you. You might be tempted to go there to explore ruins. Don’t. Most of them are full of undead or demons.
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CritterCon 13, Trip Day Five: In which we find an attraction has expanded, find another has gotten creepier, watch water & music in harmony, and make our fourth visit to the King of Trained Squirrels. We all slept in a bit this morning, since we only have 4 stops and I knew a couple of them won't take that long. Breakfast was a pancake extravaganza, with about 9 kinds being available, plus a wide assortment of toppings and syrups. As always the kitchen staff did great. (Lettie: Tuna pancakes for us cats? Wow!) (Omar: I may have overdone it on the pancakes.) (Sadie F: May have? You and Brownie looked like balloon raccoons.) Once we had eaten and consumed tea or coffee, Sweetie popped us over to our first roadside attraction, which turned out to have gotten bigger. The World's Largest Dinosaurs Built Entirely Out Of Toothpicks Nine years ago, when we stopped at this monument to nutty guys with too much free time, I wrote this. This year, the dueling attractions were...I shit you not...the World's Largest Dinosaur Built Entirely Out Of Toothpicks. On one side of the road, you've got a twice life size Tyrannosaur. Across the way, you've got a humongous Brachiosaur. T-Rex is taller, the sauropod is longer and heavier. Both of them are pretty impressive and a glowing testament to what human beings can do when they have lots of free time, a assload of toothpicks and most likely plenty of corn liquor. We took pictures and bought all of the usual tchotchke subjects. Grace and Spike spoke with a local fellow who told them that the two fellows that built the dinosaurs were twin brothers. It took them 32 years to finish their monuments to prehistory, during which time they had many fistfights, yelling matches and the odd bit of small arms fire. By the time they were done, they were 77 years old and both of them died within 6 months. (Roxy: Is there anything that humans won't use to build goofy stuff.) (Sasha: Short answer: nope.) So, I was pretty much just expecting us to pop in, see the toothpick dinos and be off, but I was wrong. It seems that the local folks like the bit of revenue this attraction brings in, over the last 8 years, they used hordes of teens and other folks to build two more dinosaurs out of freakin' toothpicks! (Amy: Surprise! Town council in small Southern town uses cheap labor to build revenue enhancing attraction.) There's a life sized Ankylosaurus and an equally life sized Triceratops. The workmanship on both is excellent. We were told that around 2024, they hope to add 3 more dinosaurs. I should buy stuck in toothpicks. After leaving the toothpick dinosaurs and their inevitable gift shop, we popped into another attraction, only to find it, too, increased and improved. The World Famous Tulsa Zombie Cartoon World Before I write any more about this place, let me post what I wrote back in 2010. Went to The (you guessed it) World Famous Tulsa Zombie Cartoon World. Now, this actually started in 1948 as just plain old Cartoon World, with the founders, Pete & Muriel Ginswaker, just making 6 foot tall chicken wire and plaster versions of famous cartoon characters. Apparently, from about 1952 until the mid 1980's the place was a must see roadside attraction. Then the new highway alignment moved over about 5 miles and business plummeted. A few years later, the Ginswakers moved to Florida and the place sat unattended until 2005 when Jeff & Karen Zbrowski bought it.
The Zbrowskis are both horror movie fans, so they could not help but notice how the 126 cartoon characters, now in varying stages of disrepair, looked like zombies. A bit of paint, some resin coating and Bada Bing Bada Boom: Zombie Cartoon World was born. It’s kinda sick, kinda funny and very cool. We spent an hour there. Favorite character: Betty Boop with a 2X4 stuck through her chest (thanks to a tornado in 1993).
(Sasha: It’s a shame none of us NHT got to see the original place.)
Well now, ten…err, nine, years makes a difference, because this place is doing so well that they have replaced all the old zombies and built about 100 more. While the original zombie cartoon characters were just wire and plaster figures that looked shitty from neglect or weathering, there figures look much more like zombified toons.
Nothing is really gory and most of them are pretty funny. I mean, where else are you going to see zombie Spongebob and Patrick about to chow down on a big Krabby Patty with Squidward as the patty?
(Spike: A lot of the attractions this year have improved over the years since we first saw them, but I was disappointed with the changes to the World Famous Tulsa Zombie Cartoon World. Adding more recent cartoon characters: Sure, that makes sense if you want to attract a younger audience.
But the deteriorating old statues converted to zombies were what made this place interesting to me in the first place. Erosion art! But making new plastic (or whatever) versions just makes the place feel too — commercial. Which is an odd thing to say about such an uncommercial place.
And when we talked to the Zbrowski’s sons about their plans to build some moving animatronic dioramas in future years to increase the fright factor…)
We spent a good 45 minutes there, bought tchotchkes and then got back on board the bus. After a cold drink and a bit of snacking, Sasha told us she had a surprise. We followed her to the meadow room and got the surprise of our lives.
There, from Marvel Earth 7, were Captain America and Thor (NOT fat Endgame Thor). Sitting on the ground in front of them was Mjolnir. I knew what Sasha was up to right away.
“First,” she said, “I’d like to thank Cap and Thor for coming here and letting me find out if I’m right about an assumption. Okay, gents, let’s see who can pick up the hammer.”
(Pixie: Okay, straight up, either of those two guys can rub my tummy any day.)
(Sasha: Oh hell yes!)
(Sadie M: GIRL!)
Spike, Peter, Gabe, Brian and Mark all tried. Not a wiggle. I didn’t even bother. Omar tried, but nothing. Blue and Leon, like me, knew to give it a pass. Peter asked if we knew anyone who ever lifted it. Sasha answered.
(Spike: For the record, I only tried it because I wanted to check for tricks or scams. Like Doc, I would never had bothered to even try straight-up.)
“Yeah, Silky did. She was the only one of us, although I’d bet Winker could have. Any of you ladies want to try?”
Holly, Mary, Cathy, Ginie, Grace and Caroline tried, and they all got a wiggle. Avis declined. Cupcake tried, picked it up, tossed it in the air and then said “Auntie Avy, catch!” and tossed it to Avis.
Who caught it, but then dropped it like a hot rock. We all laughed.
“I knew she was worthy,” Cupcake said. Thor and Cap agreed.
I will note that with the exception of Sasha and her best friend/partner in crime Pixie, all of the dogs could pick it up. Thor only seemed surprised that S&P couldn’t. Cap, who knows our family better, was not surprised at all.
The four female cats picked it up, too. This caused Leon to try and fail.
(Amy: Girl power, baby!)
We thanked Cap & Thor and then went back to the living room to discuss our unworthiness or worthiness. Avis kept insisting there must be a mistake, saying she was not a saint, really.
“Auntie Avy,” Sasha said, “first of all, it’s not about living a spotless life, it’s about Mjolnir finding you worthy. I figured you and Cakes would be, and of course the vast majority of dogs are. Cats run about 50/50. And my son owes me a steak dinner.”
(Avis: Awww! I’m worthy! Leon’s nose is seriously out of joint, though, and of course Letty won’t let him forget she succeeded. I keep telling her when she’s his age, she might not get the same result.)
(Cupcake: I think it’s less a function of age and more a function of having a noble heart.)
(Leon: What the hell? Mom, are you saying I’m old?)
(Sasha: I think she did, Mr. Cobweb Face. HAHAHAHAHA!)
(Leon: WHAT? Oh hell no! I’m off to get some fresh air in the Park Room!)
(Lettie: “fresh air” = sulk. Hahahaha!)
And then we popped over to our next attraction, which again was a surprise.
The World’s Longest Garden Hose And Musical Sprinklers We've been here twice, first on our DogCon 1 trip, when the hose and garden gnomes were in Las Vegas. My report on that visit was short. Stopped several miles outside of Las Vegas to see the World’s Longest Garden Hose (13.25 miles long!). Grace buys garden hose fridge magnet, I buy a t-shirt, Daisy woofs at a coyote in the distance, Winker pees on one of the 428 garden gnomes. Our next visit was 5 years later, after it had moved to Bakersfield. This entry was slightly longer.
We only had to drive a mile to see the World’s Longest Garden Hose, which was 13.25 miles long when we saw it back in 2008, but has since grown to 23.5 miles long. We were told by the young fellow manning the gift shop that if it gets much longer, they’ll have to build a whole new hose reel to hold it. The one they have right now is about the size of a kiddie ferris wheel.
Yes, we bought all the usual swag, including a tee shirt that says “You ought to see the size of my hose!” Well, ok, only I got that shirt.
As with several of the attractions on this trip, this one has enlarged and gotten better. First off, the hose is now 44 miles long. 44 MILES! According to the guy that sells you your $3.00 entry ticket, they run the hose out to full length once a year and run water through it, watering some spot out in the desert. I’d kind of like to see it.
(Cupcake: That’s a very long hose. SHUT IT, YOU TWO!)
(Brownie & Omar: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!)
(Cupcake: Argh!)
The number of garden gnomes is now up to 900+, which is pretty impressive, even though most of then are just typical garden store gnomes.
The new hotness is the “Dancing Sprinklers”, about 100 various types of sprinklers that go off in time to music. We sat there through “ Help” by the Beatles, “Goldfinger” by Shirley Bassey and, because it’s Bakersfield, “Streets of Bakersfield” by Buck Owens.
All in all, it was a pretty darned good value for $3.00.
(Goldie: I really wanted to run through those sprinklers!)
(Tucker: Me too!)
Note: “$3.00 does not include money spent on t-shirts, bumper stickers, hats, fridge magnets and cute little replicas of the hose.”
We had about 3 hours before visiting our final stop of the day, so we ate hamburgers and hotdogs grilled to perfection by our kitchen android chef, Alton. Then, with full bellies, we all napped for a while.
And then, for the fourth time in 13 years, we visited our hands down most memorable and favorite attraction…
Uncle Ferdies World Famous Trained Squirrel Review I will not recount the debacles that were our first visit in 2010, or the even more disastrous visit in 2012. Those should be forgotten, but you can read them here on the blog. (Sasha: Oh, DO go read about them, folks. I was part of the 2012 rebellion. It was great.) Our 2018 trip was all done on Earth 1-G, a much different world than ours, where Uncle Ferdy and his squirrels never knew disruptions by crazed digs, cats and other critters. Luke wrote about that visit. Our Long Beach destination was a real mind blower: Uncle Ferdy’s Trained Squirrel Review! Yes, folks, this Earth has an Uncle Ferdy and the show is even better than the one in our world. We all paid ten bucks and watched some really talented squirrels, as well as some chipmunks, prairie dogs and groundhogs, do their thing. There was acrobatics, dancing and all sorts of comedy. It was a great show and there were no critter related incidents because we were all in human bodies and had instinct suppressors turned on.
The show was an hour long and apparently only takes place Monday-Saturday, three times a day. When it was all over, several of us got Uncle Ferdy’s autograph.
(Leon: I hate those suppressors!) Here on our earth, Uncle Ferdy retired after the terrifying and apparently expensive events of 2012. However, just a couple of years later, his nephew Oscar convinced him to train up a bunch of new rodents for a show Oscar would present. All of this took time, but by 2019 they had it ready to go and we were there for the first show. (Sasha: I'm glad Uncle Ferdy's facial tic is gone.) The theater they built is very nice. Parking is across a busy 6 lane street and guards only let humans cross over the pedestrian overpass to the theater. I was told that all doors are guarden by armed guards. So, anyway, the show was great. Much like the one on Earth 1-G, in fact, but it actually runs 90 minutes. We all enjoyed it and there were no incidents. When we get back to 2020, I'll have to see how Uncle Ferdy & crew have weathered the whole Covid plague. (Cupcake: I googled them. They stream the shows now in a pay per view manner. To get more folks watching, they now do a 90 minute show, then run a 45 minute documentary on Uncle Ferdy and squirrel training. They do mention the “Oregon Incidents.) Back on the Bus, we were on our way to our overnight destination, a KOA (Kampgrounds Of America) about 20 miles from Critter City. We all chatted, gamed, ate a great dinner, gamed some more, then went off to bed. I shall be in bed myself in a couple of minutes. More reportage tomorrow.
Destination Sign When We Left: Brightest Day
Destination Sign When We Stopped: Blackest Night
Radio Station: World Reggae Radio
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