…sometimes, GMs can be a wee bit evil
The 2009 Subject Line Review: Part 4
The final part of this longass mess is right
OCTOBER
The Totally Mysterious, Yet Also Rather Naughty, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Spanky Boy…I guess the question would be, was Patty the spanker or the spankee?
Journal Of The International Freestyle Flooning Society…Ok, I have no idea what flooning is, but it sounds hella fun, especially done freestyle.
It’s All Fun And Sexy Games Until Your Jaw Muscles Start Aching…I reckon that’s something all of us, male/female/straight/lgbt can agree on:)
Stop Making Your Little Brother Think He’s Invisible!…My word, aren’t younger siblings just great toys?
The 5 Blue Budgies Start The League Of Extraordinary Avians…Hmmm, there might be a Pixar movie in that one.
Bat Finger Stew…It’s not got much bat in it!
My Zombie Romance…I’ll bet that somebody has already written a novel or graphic novel with that title.
Not In This Issue: Gym Spocks, Global Worming, Sax & Violins, LOLrats Or Buysexuality…I dunno, maybe I have an undiagnosed brain tumor or something.
The Place Where Kittens Have Tentacles And Ducklings Eat Your Eyes…Ewww!
Are Two Women Aged 20 The Equal Of One Woman Aged 40?…No matter how you answer that one, some dame is gonna end up pissed off. Besides, why not have all three?
Doc Tempest And The Tunnels Of Hell…The famous issue that was banned by the Catholic Church and still sold 4 million copies.
The Cupcake Princess, The Nipple Queen And The Little Bit O’ Dynamite…I just love giving nicknames to women:)
What’s This Thing Called, Love?…Ok, OLD joke there. I was tired, ok?
Chapter 357: In Which Our Hero Inadvertently Triggers A Werewolf Apocalypse…Seeing as how there are at least 100 more chapters to the story, I reckon it was a short lived apocalypse.
This Just In: Tom Lehrer Is Poisoned By Angry Pigeons…I laughed when I wrote this one, too. Man, I am such a big geek.
100 Pounds Of Frozen Squid Parts…I have a thing for squid, it would seem. Probably because it sounds funnier that “calamari”.
No Pokey Fingers In The Morning!…This was one of my rules when my nephews and nieces used to sleep over at my house.
The Secret Life Of Dogs And Mice…Whatever they do in secret, you can bet your ass that cat’s do NOT approve of it.
Mrs. Wangdoodle Goes Down Under…Good old Mrs. Wangdoodle has been with me almost as long as the 5 Blue Budgies.
Captain Of The Clouds: A Steampunk Romance…Damn, is that a stirring title or what? I’m seeing zeppelins on the cover.
In The End, We Decided That The Eels Were A Bad Idea…Another eel reference? What would Freud have to say about that?
The Rare And Beautiful Bug Eyed Mouse Ferret Of Potawango Island…It’s a real pity that there are no mouse ferrets, bug eyed or otherwise, in the real world.
Wanted: Dancing Elks…Extra $$ if they are pole dancing elks.
Pogobat Sunrise…I have absolutely no idea about this one.
R.I.P. Aunt Shirley…I wrote this when she died. Just about 3 weeks later, her husband, my Uncle BJ, died. The urge to live just sort of left him when she did.
The Diagon Alley Cat Blues…Potterverse Blues? Couldn’t be any worse than Wizard Rock.
If Adventure Has A Name, It Must Be…ADVENTURE!…What the fuck else could it be?
The Ice Cream Dwarves Hate The Pancake Goblins…This strange obsession with food based D&D creatures has got to stop!
Hollow Eyed Vampire Babies…Ok, just reading that made the hairs on my neck stand up.
Doc Tempest And The Sword Of Satan…Swashbuckling adventure with Doc & his crew going up against Captain Satan, Pirate from Hell.
NOVEMBER
Harry Potter And The Ghosts Of Baker Street…This would have Harry, about age 40, meeting up with the ghosts of Holmes, Watson and Moriarty.
Super Frosted MescaWheats…Whole grain goodness and mind expanding hallucinations for breakfast! What could be more fun?
The Stupidly Funny, Yet Kind Of Annoying, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Hopping Vampire…Cos hopping vampires are cool, dude.
The House In The Woods Where The Singing Badgers Live…I’d like to meet the badgers that can sing like a young Robert Plant and a middle aged Dean Martin.
AAAAAHHOOOOO! Werewolves Of Woodland!…Actually, I lived in Woodland for many years and never met a werewolf.
The Migration Of The Dancing Elks…More dancing elks? I’ll bet they migrate via a long conga line to Miami for the winter.
It Was A Very Cheerful Apocalypse, As Such Things Go…See, that’s something not enough novelists write about: a cheerful, fun apocalypse, with singing and snacks and maybe even prizes.
The Sinful Fish…And the worst part of it was that he kept on sinning, just for the halibut.
The Rare And Beautiful Giant Vampire Butterfly Of Potawango Island…Is it just me, or is the prospect of getting you blood drained by a giant butterfly extra creepy?
Sliced Potatoes Fried In Duck Fat…Yep, I was watching Food Network and that scalawag, Alton Brown.
Worm Salad On A Stick…You know who would love this one? Geese! Geese would chow down on it.
The Nursery Rhymes Of Doom…I may have seen some variation on this in a 1960s DC comic.
Walking Through The Bacon Tree Forest…Bacon! Growing on trees! Holy fucking shit, could you get rich!
The Secret Files Of Sherlock Holmes…This would contain the really good stories about Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler.
Looney Tunas and Merry Maladies…Another bit of decoration for my room in Hell.
Days Of Wine And Muskrats…I’ve gotta cut back on the muskrats or else Kovalic is gonna want royalties.
Silly Robots…When you think about it, many of the most famous robots can be put into this category.
A Permanent Place On The Group W Bench…I’d be sittin’ there, next to Arlo, fillin’ out the forms and playin’ with the pencils and talkin’ to the father rapers.
Chapter 221: In Which Our Hero, Having Escaped From Prison, Takes Refuge In A Cave Full Of Voles…I wonder if he might have organized them into a Vole Patrol?
A Song…A Dance…A Fireball In Your Pants…Sounds like D&D meets vaudeville to me. But would it play in Peoria?
Fire Monsters In The Sky…There’s a filk in this one, folks, if somebody was to write it. To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky, of course.
DECEMBER
The Family Friendly, Yet Way Terrifying, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And Evil Zombie Santa Claus…I’m pretty sure I saw a low budget movie with a zombie Santa Claus.
What To Do If Your Cheese Begins To Vibrate…Personally, I would run like hell if my cheese began to vibrate. Even if it was Habanero Jack.
Doc Tempest And The White Horror From The Sky…It snowed here, so I trotted out a once in a decade joke.
Mashed Potato Birthday Cake…It’s fattening for dogs to rat, but if you only give it to ’em on their birthday, it’s ok.
In The Elevator To Hell With The Skull Faced Woman…I seldom have nightmares, but when I do, they are doozies.
It’s All Fun And Games Until You Cause The Beer To Explode…For years I had a scar on my leg caused by an exploding beer bottle that fell into a roaring campfire.
An Ibis On The Nightstand…This just sounded cool and odd, so I used it.
Mr. Porkwaffle Buys A Goat…Which he’ll never get around to milking, if I know him.
The Rare And Beautiful Flower Eared Swamp Muskrat Of Potawango Island…Gadzooks! More muskratry! I must curb these impulses in 2010.
Mrs. Wangdoodle Levels Up…The old girl is just full of surprises…and prescription drugs.
Santa Claus: International Man Of Mystery…Imagine the classic Bond movie openings, but with Santa Clause. Also: “Claus, Santa Claus” would be pretty funny.
Ice Creams, Lice Schemes, Nice Themes, Mice Dreams, Rice Gleams…Don’t drink & rhyme, kids.
A Pink Mink With A Decided Stink Bought A Drink For A Skink Who Poured It Down The Sink…I could have went on for several more words, if I hadn’t reached the word limit.
The Strange Animals Are Stalking You…In my house, they mostly stalk us wanting whatever we are eating.
Walking On Thin Eyes…”Mr. Cross? Hell is on line 1. They say you are running out of wall space”
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