…co-starring her pet emu, Walter
The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 5, Part 1, In which we quickly recap yesterday, drive on a twisty mountain road, view scenic panoramas and watch tourists behave stupidly.
(Note: All comments by Flash are in italics)
Recap of yesterday: I was not feeling 100% ok yesterday. In fact, I was feeling somewhere around 30%, with dips as low as 12%. Still, one must press on, if only to get one’s travelling partners to shut up so one can peacefully die. We left Missoula and drove through very scenice areas on our way to Kalipell. We stopped at two roadside attractions: In Ronan, we saw the Miniature Indian Village, which is big, covering an area about 100′ by 75′ and pretty detailed. It cost $2.00 to go through and yes, they sold a variety of souveniers. You can guess which ones we bought. In Big Arm, we visited the Big Arm House, which looks like the right arm of some enormous giant who is showing off his bicep. The interior of the house has a necessarily odd layout, but the view from the fist room (65 feet up) is pretty impressive. The inevitable t-shirts look pretty good, too.
Once we arrived in Kalispell, we did some sight seeing after I ate a hearty bowl of antacids mixed with aspirin, chased by about 30 gallons of water. After wandering about looking all touristy & shit, we went back to the KOA and pretty much goofed off. By dinner time, I was able to eat real food.
That big funny looking house was full of mice! I could smell them all the way out in the bus! Curse Dad for putting steel security mesh on the windows!
Glacier National Park, so far: To start with, I need to point out that our Magic Bus is 32 feet long. This meens that it cannot traverse the Going To The Sun Road, the only road that bisects the park. This is because, due to the narrowness of the road and the steep dropoffs and the lack of guardrails along much of it (due to winter avalanches), no vehicle over 21 feet may go all the way through the park.
We did not know this in advance and so there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth this morning…but only for a few minutes. As always, our trusty onboard mechanic, Joe, solved the problem. With a small bit of (possibly illegal) jiggering to the TARDIS unit, he reduced our bus to a mere 15 feet long externally. Inside, nothing changed and we were off on the road to adventure.
Unfortunately, the narrow road and very steep dropoff along much of the road to adventure (and we were on the dropoff side most of the time) caused much nervous agitation and panicky comment among everyone but Winker and I. I was secure in my driving ability and Winker has no depth perception. Everybody else made terrified noises, barked or hissed, depending upon their species. When we stopped at the first scenic viewing area, Flash had hidden in a cupboard, Grace & Sharon were nervous wrecks and Lucy had peed on the carpet. At least, I’m assuming it was Lucy.
It was Lucy. Also, Dad…YOU ARE INSANE! WE COULD HAVE GONE OFF THAT EDGE AND BEEN KILLED!
Things are indeed scenic and wonderful and natural and fucking near glacier free here. Thanks a bunch, global warming. We saw a fair amount of wildlife on the way up (we are now at about 8,200 feet altitude). Well, I saw wildlife. Everyone else was busy screaming and stuff.
Stupid Tourist Tricks: We saw a guy with a rope tied around his waist that had the other end tied to his car. He did this so that he could lean way over the edge to take pictures of deer way down in the valley. His family cheered him on. Perhaps inevitably, his name was Bubba.
Another pinhead was racing his friend downhill on one of the steepest grades on skateboards. I regret missing their crash a few minutes later, which a fellow uphill driver described as “bloody & bouncy & taking about 300′ to stop”.
Finally, there was the woman who was feeding peanuts to the marmots. After a few minutes, there were about 50 peanut jonesing marmots around her. Then she ran out of peanuts. You’d be surprised how fast a chubby middle aged woman can run when pursued by a seething horde of high altitude rodents.
Yeah, you know, I loves me some rodents (as a snack or a meal), but those fuckers weighed more than I do and there were a shitload of them and they were all batshit crazy for either peanuts or tasty tasty human flesh.
Right now, we are getting ready to finish our drive through the park and then Go on to Cut Bank, where we will spend the night. More bloggage later.
There’s more of that road ahead? Oh, hell no! I’m off to my cupboard!
Destination Sign: Asgard
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