…Yum Yum!
The Doclopedia #179
Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Amulet Of Hellfire
This item doesn’t even try to look like a proper amulet. It looks like five soda bottle caps on a dirty old piece of string.
But as far as being a useful bit of magic, well, it is that. The wearer of the amulet can shoot pure unadulterated hellfire from his or her eyes, with a range of up to 300 feet. A couple of good side to side head moves can level half a village. Want to blast a hole clean through an ancient red dragon? Wear this amulet and you can.
Of course, each time you unleash the hellfire, a bit of your soul gets used up, but you’ll stop before it’s all gone, right?
The Doclopedia #180
Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Spectacles Of Inspiration
There are some people out there wearing ugly eyewear, but none of those glasses are as ugly and unstylish as the Spectacles of Inspiration. Really, even that hatchet faced old grade school teacher you had in fourth grade didn’t wear specs that looked this bad.
On the other hand, don’t you think it might be worth it to look like the Dark God of the Uncool Visually Impaired for a while in exchange for getting the properly inspired idea to get you out of the dumbass predicament you’ve gotten yourself into? Sure you do!
These glasses can, thankfully, only be worn once a day. You do have to wear them for at least three minutes, but once you get all inspired and shit, you can take them off.
The Doclopedia #181
Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Slippers Of Sliding
For the ability to slide with near frictionless ease, you can’t beat this magical pair of slippers. The effect lasts for about 5 minutes after you put them on, during which time you can move faster than a snowboarder on a giant non-stick skillet. Of course, you’ll need a good push off or a downhill slope, but those are mere details.
The bad news is that these beat up, ugly green colored slippers look like they fell out of the dumpster behind the Old Folks Home. And they stink. Oy vey how they stink!
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