The Mysterious, Yet Amusing, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Road To Nowhere

…costarring her new best friend, Buzzy Markowitz

The Doclopedia #264

Altered (United) States: Oregon “A lack of Elf control”

There are many dimensions in which the United States is part of a fantasy world, but on Earth 61, there are problems in Oregon. It seems that the elves who live there and make up 30% of the population, have gone batshit crazy.

In recent years the normally rather effete and boring elves have…

…loudly proclaimed their newfound hatred of sheep, even going so far as to go among flocks and verbally abuse the uncaring livestock.

…taken to dressing in formal wear, even though the live in the dense woods of the Pacific Northwest. As a result, their clothing is often ripped and filthy in a matter of days.

…gathered in a huge group just north of Eugene, then ran screaming “We are NOT screaming and running” until they came to Salem, at which point they all walked off as though nothing had happened.

…started eating gubgub berries, which cause their skins to turn bright orange.

…stopped moving or speaking between the hours of 1:45 pm and 2:11 pm on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

There are hundreds of strange individual or small group activities on file. The Oregon Department of Public Health is advising other species to stay away from Elves. So far, Elves in neighboring states seem to be unaffected.