Where Was Charlie When The House Fell Down?

…we never found out

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The Doclopedia #1,900

State Secrets: Hawaii – Pele Gone Walkin’

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Almost certainly, we are not talking about the literal Hawaiian volcano goddess. Note the “almost”, because in the world of weird shit, you should never say never. Still, members of the FBI Special X Unit are betting that this particular version of Pele is a mutant with some distinct fire abilities and a specific diet.

Unlike many of the strange humans and cryptids out there, this one has been recorded killing on half a dozen occasions. This is thanks to a unique heat sensing camera developed by X Unit scientists. Several hundred of these cameras are mounted on very tall poles around the islands, while a few are on drones that fly regular routes. They have caught “Pele” killing and feeding on 4 islands.

The scenarios are very similar. A young woman encounters a man, talks to him for a bit, walks along with him until they come a secluded place, then kills him. The killing involves her rapidly changing into a larger form made of what really looks like lava. The victim dies fairly quickly, going into shock almost as soon as she changes.

The feeding is less easy to discern, but we know from autopsies that almost all of the phosphorus and calcium are drained from the bodies. Yes, bones are mostly calcium, which meant that the badly burned corpse is even more grotesque than you imagine.

One more thing about “Pele” should be noted. Like more than a few mutants, she feeds a given number of times, in her case 5, and then vanishes to go into hibernation. Once she is hibernating, she will sleep for from 16 to 20 years. Based upon police and other records, we know “Pele” is at least 210 years old.

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The Doclopedia #1,901

State Secrets: Idaho – Potato Man

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To set the record straight, Potato Man is not a man or a potato. The creature is an alien, in fact, at least 4 aliens. Their odd looking heads do look something like a potato, hence the name.

It is suspected that these aliens, who are bipedal with two arms, are scientists who come to study flora and fauna in the Idaho area. They have never done anything aggressive to humans or animals, although every so often they are seen by humans. Fortunately, all of these encounters happened quickly and have been attributed to youthful pranks.