…against the neighbor’s crowing rooster
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The Doclopedia #2,123
A Short Lecture: Why A Dog?
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To get right into it, why not a dog? Are you some sort of dog hater? Do you have an allergy, or perhaps a fear of dogs? For that matter, do dogs not like you? If so, you might want to seriously look at your lifestyle choices, since it is well known in these parts, and even in those parts over there, that dogs are sterling judges of human nature. Yes, a dog will let you know who is on the up and up and who you ought to avoid.
But back to the question of why a dog and not, say, why a monkey, or why a chicken. Of course, if you are an organ grinder or somebody looking to fry up Sunday dinner, you might well not give much thought to dogs, but I guarantee you that dogs will give much thought to that chicken dinner if you don’t keep an eye on it.
Of course, we could be discussing how a dog, although that might get too general for this lecture, as would where a dog, because dogs seem to be just about everywhere but public office, and I dare say they’d do a better job if they were.
When a dog is just too personal a topic for this lecture, especially for the dogs. Unlike the dog haters we seem to have here, I flatly refuse to delve into the personal life of dogs.
So, in conclusion, to those narrow minded dog haters sitting here thinking about their Sunday chicken dinner and their odds of becoming a successful organ grinder, I can only say, why not a dog?
Good day.
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The Doclopedia #2,124
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A Short Lecture: What To Do About Taxes
Now, in case some of you are hard of hearing or seated way in the back, this lecture is What To Do About Taxes, not What To Do About Texas. That would be a much longer lecture and, really, nobody has a clue as to what to do about Texas, most notably the Texans. I might suggest that they give most of it back to Mexico, with the rest going to Oklahoma, but Texans seem to bristle at that and a bristly Texan is an ugly thing to see, ladies and gentlemen.
No, we are here to discuss taxes, an important subject. In fact, being subject to taxes is something that you find everywhere. Income tax, sales tax, land tax, highway tax, business tax, thumb tax, even taxi tax! Why, I’d say you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a tax, but there might be a dead cat tax, a swinging tax or both. Besides, what were you thinking swinging that dead cat anyway? Try that with a live one and you’ll be getting stitches and, for all I know, a stitch tax.
Of course, if you refuse to pay taxes, the government will come after you, which might not be so bad if you can stay one jump ahead of them. Five or six jumps would be better, but some of us are built for only a single jump at a time, or maybe two on Saturday if there is a matinee. Just remember that if the government catches you, they’ll send you to prison, which, come to think of it, is a place where nobody pays any taxes.
So in closing, perhaps we all ought to just go to prison and then see what the government does about taxes.
Good day.
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