I Was A Jar Of Pickles For The FBI

…kosher dills

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Confessions Of A Time Traveler

Vacationing In The Past

Every so often, when I mention my family going on a vacation, a friend will first ask where, then ask when, and they don’t mean when this year. This is a perfectly legit thing to ask time travelers. Of course, my friends often ask which reality we will vacation in, but for now, let’s just stick to our own universe and planet.

First off, unless you have a time traveling house, RV or other modern habitat, you may want to stick to the 20^th and 21^st Centuries. Why? Modern plumbing and other amenities. Indoor plumbing was not as common as we are used to pre-1920 or so. Same goes for appliances, really comfy beds, etc.

One other thing before I get into specific places and times: The farther you go into the past, the less personal hygiene is like our modern idea of how it should be. Be prepared foe more body odor, worse teeth, poorer complexions, etc.

And, of course, our attitudes about women, sexuality, religion, minorities, etc, will not fit in most places.

Now, all of that said, I cannot recommend the United States before 1492 enough. This bigass country is full if wonderful wild spaces now, but before Europeans came, it was just breathtaking. No cities or signs of modern development anywhere, wildlife all over the place, incredible fresh air and water…it is a great place to visit. I strongly suggest going to the Great Plains during fall migration or any area where Passenger Pigeons migrate. It’s an incredible thing to see.

If you’re a history buff, time travel is a gift. I strongly urge you to wear a stealth suit, because you can get in pretty close on things like royal weddings or great document signings or inventions being built. If you are a military history buff, you’ll wand a class 3 or better Personal Force Field, too. One musket ball can ruin your whole day.

If you want to get out among the people, USE AN ANDROID BODY! You do not have to go back too far to start encountering all sorts of diseases, some of which you were never vaccinated against. Another reason for going android it that you can easily have the right language and local slang. You can also dial down your sense of smell, an absolute must in most big cities. Oh, and remember: DON’T DRINK THE WATER!

Now, at this point, some of you are thinking, “But DINOSAURS!” Yes, you can go back and see dinosaurs and such, but you should expect to lose a few android bodies. Nature is a dangerous place and dinosaur nature is way more dangerous. On the other hand, it is an amazing and often beautiful thing to watch prehistoric creatures in their world.

Finally, if you are adventurous, you can go back and witness great disasters. The London and Chicago Fires, Yangtze River Floods, earthquakes galore, even some of the smaller meteor strikes and volcano eruptions are there for you to check out.

I STRONGLY advise watching really big disasters from space, or at least high in the atmosphere and far away. These are world changing events, folks, and you do not want your temporal conveyance damaged.

So, there are some suggestions. Go out and have fun!