…a colorful snack
The Doclopedia #2,413
Well, That Was Unexpected: Bob Freaks Out
Did you see it? No? 4.3 billion user did, as it happened. I haven’t checked the numbers again, but I’ll bet it’s at 6 by now. Think of that. 6 billion users is half the world’s population!
So, BobJustBobTalks comes on WorldTube at 9:00 in the morning on Wednesday, like always, but tells everyone that today’s talk will be a special “Drive With Bob” show. Cool, right? Everyone loves it when he drives around ranting.
Well, after a few minutes of chat and him grabbing up a couple of gym bags full of stuff, Bob heads out to his car, gets in and tells it to execute Drive 1,000. It takes like 12 seconds before a user in Taiwan comments that you can only have 300 Drives programmed on Bob’s model of car, but Bob just laughs and says “Wait and see, viewers!” So, you know, we do.
As soon as the car is on the freeway, Bob starts talking about how the WorldNet has taken over everything and we are all just programmed slaves to TakTak and Yakbook and under the thumb of very late stage capitalism. He’s really freaking out and going off and about 6 million user point out that he is violating Terms of Service and World Law every 20 seconds or so, but Bob just laughs. Even stranger, he’s still online. Right? He should have been suspended within minutes, but he’s not.
Well, 37,932 users try saying the same things, and they get suspended for 3 days in a matter of seconds. After that, BinaryBilly777 in Australia says that maybe Bob has found out how to block the AlgoCops. That gets Billy suspended for a week and a message pops up that there are no such apps, but most of the by then 2.8 billion users are unconvinced.
So, Bob has like, 5 cameras running, 4 of which show him leaving Seattle Metroplex and heading into the AgroZone. He’s ranting about how we all ought to do what he’s doing and GTFO of the cities for a while. He says that without us online all the time or working or buying stuff, the WorldGov and WorldEcon will shut down.
By the time he’s been ranting for 2 hours, Bob is still online, still not suspended, and about 15 minutes from leaving the AgroZone for Outside. Dude, OUTSIDE! Out where the fucking Technovores are! He gets about 23 million warnings that all his tech will stop working and that there are still plagues out there that will kill him.
What does he say to that? He just laughs and says, “Let’s see, shall we?”
So his car, which must have been reinforced, crashes through a security gate and there he is, heading down an old road into the Outside. It looked like you see in the nature vids, trees and bushes and wild animals and all that stuff. Bob is telling us how nice it is out there and the air is clean and all that. 4 billion people are watching by then, waiting for the Technovores to attack or for Bob to start getting sick.
After about another 45 minutes, Bob is in the woods and the road is getting pretty bad, but his car, cameras and HIS INTERNET CONNECTION IS STILL UP! That shouldn’t be, but some user said maybe he’s found a way to hack the satellites. That gets the whole WorldTube shut off!
But it only goes black for about 15 seconds, then there’s Bob, back on, talking. His car is parked in a clearing and he’s getting out his gym bags. He tells everyone he’s going somewhere special and maybe we ought to go Outside, too. He says that maybe the Technovores have someplace else to be and maybe the last plague virus died out 25 years ago and maybe WorldGov is lying to us about everything.
Then, I shit you not, two people ride out of the woods on horses! The have a third one and Bob gets up on it. Yeah, REAL horses. Bob rides up closer to the front camera and says, “Think about what I’ve said. Maybe re-watch this vid, because it will be up for the duration. I hope some of you come visit. Bye!”
Well, the comment section goes nuts and in a couple of minutes the whole show is out there on the Net and Bob’s car is now showing a 360 degree view of the area around it and it’s pretty cool.
WOAH! Dude, look! Like, 3 million users are vidding as they drive out of their cities! WTF, dude?
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