…so he killed them and ate them
The Doclopedia #2,412
Well, That Was Unexpected: The Cow Came Home
“You gotta believe me, Reverend, I told Jimmy it was a bad idea. I told him it was wrong and we’d get in trouble, but he never listens to me. No, he just starts talking about somethin’ and next thing you know he says trust your big brother and then I’m helpin’ him do things.”
“Yessir, yessir, I’ll slow up. So, our one old cow, that big Holstein named Becky…yessir, that one, Grandpa’s favorite…well, she always hated Jimmy. I think it was because he was mean to her from the time she was a calf. Always yellin’ at her and pokin’ her with sticks and stuff. Now, truth to tell, she didn’t much like anyone but Grandpa, but she hated Jimmy. She came near to runnin’ him down twice.”
“When Grandpa died last year, it was during a big blow up between him and Jimmy. I was there and just over the fence from Grandpa was Becky. Then, in the middle of yellin’ at Jimmy, Grandpa’s heart just gave out and he fell over dead. I started yellin’ for Dad and Mom and Jimmy just turned and walked away.”
“Well, that cow darn near busted outta the corral and was bellowin’ and lookin’ right at Jimmy. Since that day, she tried to get at him every chance she got. Jimmy told Dad we ought to shoot her, but Dad wouldn’t do it, because she produces lots of milk and big healthy calves. So since then, Jimmy has been angry and yesterday, after Dad and Mom left for four days up at Hawk Lake, Jimmy told me he was gonna kill that cow, and I was gonna help him. We argued from noon until just before sundown and he wore me down. So I got in the pickup and Jimmy had Dad’s rifle and he opened the gate to her stall and then ran like heck and jumped on the tailgate and we took off with Becky right behind us. I drove out the driveway and about two miles down the road to Keller’s Swamp. Jimmy figured we could hide her body there and tell Dad she got loose.”
“Reverend, I was cryin’ and beggin’ Jimmy to let me turn the truck around bus he said no. We kept on goin’ and Becky was runnin’ flat out all the way. I never saw a cow do that.”
“Anyway, we got to the swamp and Jimmy just up and shoots her right between the eyes and that drops her right there. But before I’m even out of the truck, Jimmy grabs an axe and starts chopping into her. Now, we were gonna chop off her legs and head, so she would be easier to roll down the slope into the swamp, but Jimmy was chopping at her like a crazy person. He was laughing all crazy like and cursing, and Reverend, I was scared.”
“After about 5 minutes, Jimmy stopped and told me to come help him get rid of her. I was still crying and I prayed that Becky and Grandpa and Jesus would forgive me. Once we were done, we went back home and got cleaned up and I went to bed while Jimmy drank some of Dad’s beer and sat in the living room giggling to himself.”
“This morning, I felt too sick to eat and Jimmy went outside to bust that gate so it looked like Beck did it. I did some chores and every time Jimmy say me, he’d yell at me to stick to our story and stop cryin’ like a little baby. After chores were done, I just went to my room and prayed and slept a little.”
“Right about sundown, I went downstairs to eat. Jimmy was watching TV and drinking more beer. After about an hour, Jimmy shuts off the sound on the TV and says he hears something. I listen and sure enough, I hear a cow mooing, like it might be hurt.”
“Well, even half drunk and crazy, Jimmy knew Dad would be all over us if a cow got hurt, so we grabbed flashlights and went outside. The noise was coming from down near our west pasture, and Jimmy figured it was a heifer caught in a fence, so we got in the pickup and headed down that way. As we got closer, Jimmy was cussin’ cows and I was gettin’ a funny feeling. The bellowing got louder and we stopped and got out. I was almost around the front of the truck when she came rushing out of the bushes at Jimmy.”
“Reverend, IT WAS BECKY! She was all wet and muddy and had terrible wounds and had guts hanging out. Her horns were longer and sharper and her eyes glowed like a fire. I had about enough time to notice all that before she ran Jimmy right through the stomach with her horn. He was screaming this terrible high pitched scream and she was holdin’ him up in the air. Then she looked at me, then looked at the truck, and I knew she was letting me go free.”
“Lordy, Reverend, I didn’t know what to do but get outta there. I jumped behind the wheel and started backing up fast. That’s when I saw them in the headlights, Reverend. Becky brough her head down and slammed Jimmy into the ground and started stomping him and ripping him to pieces, just like he had done her.”
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