…pizza and pudding flavor
The Doclopedia #3,362
Rare Potion Ingredients: A Giant’s Testicles
You want to know why I can’t stick around? Okay, I’ll tell you, because you’re a sweet gal and I hate having to leave.
My friends and I were broke flat when we got to Denver, due to getting chased by a cannibal biker gang. We threw most of our stuff out of the van to lighten the load, then managed to outrun them on the salt flats. By the time we resupplied in Provo,the money was gone. We barely got to Denver before our batteries went dead. So we went looking for any kind of job.
Locals sent us to an old science lab where the science folks were working on all sorts of ways to kill mutants and monsters. The old guy running the joint said he’d give us two grand if we could bring him a pair of freshly cut giant’s testicles. Said there was a giant living out near the old airport, and he’d give us a gas to paralyze the giant while we did the castration. Sure, it didn’t sound easy, but we needed the dough bad enough to tackle a 30 foot tall humanoid.
Except when we got there, we found out he was 65 feet tall and pretty pissed off at something to begin with. Anyway, after a short meeting we attacked him. The gas worked great and once he was down,we did the deed and left with his ‘nads. He’d be paralyzed for another 45 minutes, so we made a clean getaway. Or so we thought.
We were backin town, had our money, and were about to leave when we heard screaming and roaring and looked down the hill to see the giant coming straight up the street toward us. That’s when the science guy gets scared and says he didn’t know it was a Tracker Giant. He says we all need to leave NOW, so we toss him in our van and haul ass out of town.
See these Tracker Giants can lock onto a person’s aura or something and follow it for years, or until they kill you. And they don’t give up, because this son of a bitch has beeen after us for three fucking years! He’s 90 feet tall now, damned near indestructable, and REALLY wants us dead. We can’t stay anywhere more than a week.
So now you know why I’ve gotta go, doll.Give me a kiss and maybe I’ll see you again sometime.
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