...co-starring her favorite teacher, Miss Lena Spozinski The Doclopedia #922 The Alphabet: L Is For... Leaving, Nebraska: The small town of Leaving (population 3,209) is located in the west central portion of the state and would appear to any observer to be a typical small farming community. Being quite a way off the beaten … Continue reading The Mindbogglingly Convoluted, But Somehow Really Informative, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Charity Treasure Hunt.
Tag: fiction
Doctor Tempest And His Amazing Adventures In The Zombie War
... from the July, 1898 issue The Doclopedia #920 The Alphabet: J Is For... Joozoon Powder: Made from, among other things, the spittle of ancient red dragons and the earwax of a living hell hound, joozoon powder is a primary ingredient in many high lever spells. As one might imagine, it is a rare … Continue reading Doctor Tempest And His Amazing Adventures In The Zombie War
The Rare And Beautiful And Very Large Easily Confused Elephants Of Potawango Island
...in many respects, they are like teenagers The Doclopedia #917 The Alphabet: G Is For... Golden Robots: In 1923, the Eastern European country of Grubansky unleashed an army of golden robots on its two neighboring countries Oxomistan and Anthillia. Within days, they were conquered and the robotic army was heading west. By the … Continue reading The Rare And Beautiful And Very Large Easily Confused Elephants Of Potawango Island
A Big Day At The Flea Circus
...I love the tiny elephants. The Doclopedia #914 The Alphabet: D Is For... Dream Gun: When the masked crimefighter known as Brother Night went out in the evening to hunt bad guys, his favored weapon was the Dream Gun. Many an evildoer was sent into a blissful dream state after being shot by it, only … Continue reading A Big Day At The Flea Circus
This Week’s Episode: Willie Borrows Clem’s Mule
...it's a laugh riot The Doclopedia #912 The Alphabet: B B is for...Baker Elves These jolly little elves stand just four inches tall and travel in family groups of 5 to 15. Most baker elves have blond hair, but redheads are not unknown. They all tend to be a bit on the chubby side, but … Continue reading This Week’s Episode: Willie Borrows Clem’s Mule
Handsome Joe Visits Uncle Stanley In France
...or, An American Basset Hound In Paris The Doclopedia #911 The Alphabet: A A is for...Auntie Madder In the Reality of Earth 125, most of the Milky Way galaxy is ruled by the terrifying, yet harmless looking, Auntie Madder and her “Girls & Boys”. Nobody knows where she came from, but when you can cause … Continue reading Handsome Joe Visits Uncle Stanley In France
Twelve Angry Hens
...who puts chickens on a jury anyway? Ok, I got the following strange note from Joe, our quantum mechanic for the Magic Bus, a little while ago. I have no recollection of what he's talking about, but apparently some shit went down last summer and he managed to fuck with time and fix it. I … Continue reading Twelve Angry Hens
And Now, Two Ducks In A Shopping Cart
...with funny hats! The Doclopedia #784 Scoundrels & Scalawags: Cap’n Priscilla Panther On Planet Toon, Cap’n Panther is the scourge of the 27 Seas! Along with the crew of her ship, “The Rampaging Loon”, she sails around looking for fat merchant ships to plunder. Barring that, she will plunder skinny merchant ships. She is … Continue reading And Now, Two Ducks In A Shopping Cart
Mr. Porkwaffle Brews Beer
...a fine brew it is, the aardvark incident notwithstanding. DogCon 5, End Of The Line Well, we're all home now and , it's good to see the old homestead. The bus is parked, the critters are in their proper places, Grace is in bed and I'm about to join her. I hope you all had … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Brews Beer
You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle
...you thought I'd say "tuna fish", right? The Doclopedia #730 What's That Sound?: Squeee...squeee...squeee...squeee...KLONK! This is, of course, the sound of one of the new Clockwork Executioners limbering up, then administering the blow that severs head from body. Invented in Bavaria by the possibly mad, but undeniably brilliant, clocksmith Rudolf Gortmann around 1730, these Executioners … Continue reading You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle
Handsome Joe Gets A New House
...with three doggie doors! The Doclopedia #657 Dangerous Animals!: Ducklings! “Alpha Charlie to Base...Alpha Charlie to Base! We've encountered the enemy at coordinates Foxtrot One Niner, near the long pond. Jesus, there must be ten thousand Quackies! Enemy is moving fast, really fast. Estimate twenty percent of our forces got hit by the Cuteness … Continue reading Handsome Joe Gets A New House
Hot Bloggage! Now Only $5.25 Per Pound
...when purchased in the 20 pound Family Pack The Doclopedia #656 Dangerous Animals!: Kittens! Oh sure, Citizen, a kitten may look cute, but they are very dangerous. Every year, upwards of 5,000 people are killed and eaten by roving prides of kittens! They usually send out one member of the pride, the alpha male, … Continue reading Hot Bloggage! Now Only $5.25 Per Pound
Basset Hounds VS Pie!
...Basset Hounds 1, Pie 0 The Doclopedia #647 All Bottled Up: Energy Drink As I've already explained in some detail to this officer, I am Professor Chetwin and that poor fellow is Professor Lindemuller and our bottle of Liquid Electricity has been stolen! Yes, Liquid Electricity! We've been working on it for the last … Continue reading Basset Hounds VS Pie!
The 13 Things You Never Want Have In Your Pants
...#6: Weasels! A Call For Suggestions Gentle Readers, I need your help with the Doclopedia. In a couple of months, I want to do between 30 and 60 posts on the theme of “Subject Line Madness”, in which each entry will expand upon some of the nearly 2,000 (actually, by then, over 2,000) subject lines/titles … Continue reading The 13 Things You Never Want Have In Your Pants
Is That A Mark III Thermo Unit In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
...oh my, it's armed! The Doclopedia #409 The Alphabet, Again: F is for... Fingers Of Hell The Fingers of Hell first appeared on one of the magic based Earths just after a great war had begun. Extending up out of the ground, they were five 1 mile long writing columns of what looked like smoke … Continue reading Is That A Mark III Thermo Unit In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
True Tails Of The Winkerdog
...co-starring her sisters, Neurotic Nelly and Speedy McBarksalot In Which I Prepare To Jump Into The Fire As I've mentioned a few times over the interwebs, I'm going to have outpatient surgery on my fucked up left shoulder on March 7th. This will put me out of work for about 6 weeks, assuming I heal … Continue reading True Tails Of The Winkerdog
Mr. Porkwaffle Sets Loose The Kraken
...no, really, it was his pet kraken, Oliver TWO Doclopedia posts here, my little gyring & gimboling slithy toves! Might do two more later this evening! The Doclopedia #402 The Alphabet, Again: C is for...Corn Man Some superheroes are just not cut out for the big time. Corn Man is a prime example of this, … Continue reading Mr. Porkwaffle Sets Loose The Kraken
A Poem About Dancing Elk
...because they deserve it The Doclopedia #401 The Alphabet, Again: C is for...Czinnlik Czinnlik is a planet orbiting the binary star system Yarvax 9. Due to the two suns being rather small and not too hot, there is a rather large zone where planets can support life. Czinnlik is one of three planets in this … Continue reading A Poem About Dancing Elk
Cherry Flavored Fun In a Box
...just as good as the chocolate kind The Doclopedia #399 The Alphabet, Again: C is for...Cogs On Earth 52, where they just love to screw around with recombinant DNA, somebody decided to mix canine and feline genetic material. The result were cogs, part cat, part dog and all lovable...and infuriating...and goofy...and funny. Cogs have all … Continue reading Cherry Flavored Fun In a Box
Mashed Potato Volcano
...it erupts gravy NOTE FROM 2019: Due to a numbering error, I am off by 3 on the numbering of posts. This post SHOULD be #400, but I'm too damned lazy to renumber 1,800 fucking posts just now. So no, you are not going crazy. Numbering is off and I may have it fixed … Continue reading Mashed Potato Volcano
The Mysterious and Tense, Yet Somewhat Psychedelic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Meatloaf Of The Damned
...co-starring her best buddy, Orville Sweetcracker Doc Update Time for an update about life here at the D&G Cross Home For Wayward Basset Bitches. I haven't been doing these as regularly as I used to, so maybe this will be the start of renewed personal updatage. Or not. Healthwise, I'm now taking blood pressure meds … Continue reading The Mysterious and Tense, Yet Somewhat Psychedelic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Meatloaf Of The Damned
Congratulations! I Am Being The President Person Of Nigeria Bank With Money For You!
...please to be giving me your personal information The Doclopedia #397 The Alphabet, Again: A is for... Artichoke Kid The Artichoke Kid was a vicious psychopath and mob enforcer during the 1920-1928 time period. Originally from Castroville, California, he got his nickname from his preferred method of killing: stuffing a small artichoke down the victim's … Continue reading Congratulations! I Am Being The President Person Of Nigeria Bank With Money For You!
World Of Whorecraft
...it's WAY more fun to play The 366 Days of Blogging Hell Gentle Readers, It is just after midnight on January, 29th, 2012, my 58th birthday. As I promised a few weeks ago, I now start a leap year (366 days) of daily posts here and twice weekly posts on the fiction blog. However, since … Continue reading World Of Whorecraft
It’s All Fun & Games Until You Just Walk Into Mordor
...we should have listened to Boromir New, pre-Death March Doclopedia entry! I actually cried a bit writing this one. The Doclopedia #395 The Infinite Doc: Doc Cross, Canine Hero I wasn't always a dog, you know. Five years ago, I was an ordinary suburban homeowner, just about 4 months past my sixtieth birthday. Life was … Continue reading It’s All Fun & Games Until You Just Walk Into Mordor
Handsome Joe Goes Camping
...lots of things to sniff in the woods! My Advice To Young Men Young nerdy men often approach me and ask, "Mr. Cross, how can I become a shining example of male coolness like you?" Of course, other young men, much less nerdy than the first group, approach me and ask, "Can I see some … Continue reading Handsome Joe Goes Camping
