...from the July 1896 issue Rant: Shit I Do Not Understand 1: Why anybody gives a fuck about the Kardashians. Who the fuck are these people, anyway? How did they get a television show? Did I miss something and they were in a hit movie or maybe escaped from Iran or something? Did one of … Continue reading The Thrilling Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Great Submarine Race
Tag: fiction
I’ve Got Your “Loose Cannon” Right Here, Baby!
...be careful with that! Ok, Gentle Readers, after too long a delay, the final Big Balls post. I won't be doing any Doclopedia posts between now and my birthday on the 29th, but I do hope to post a few other things. Oddly, today's post is actually about big balls. The Doclopedia #394 Big Balls: … Continue reading I’ve Got Your “Loose Cannon” Right Here, Baby!
When The Bus Rolled In At Midnight, Billy The Shark Was On It
...they called him "The Shark" because he liked to bite people Subject Line: Promotions, Retirements and Vacations Since I've decided to go all balls out with the blogging and tweeting and facebooking and stuff starting on my 58th birthday and going until my 59th, I figured I'd try to add a bit of freshness to … Continue reading When The Bus Rolled In At Midnight, Billy The Shark Was On It
A Quail With A Pail And A Snail Wearing A Veil Conversed By Mail About A Tale Concerning A Frail Male Whale That Was Locked Up In Jail
...and fed only stale ale The Doclopedia #393 Big Balls: The Scientist & Inventors Ball Alright, boys, it's that time of year again, the time of the big shindig over on Third Avenue. For those of you who are new to the force, I'm talking about the 10th Annual Scientist & Inventors Ball. It's been … Continue reading A Quail With A Pail And A Snail Wearing A Veil Conversed By Mail About A Tale Concerning A Frail Male Whale That Was Locked Up In Jail
The Girl With The Green Nipples Goes To San Francisco
...and hilarity ensued The Doclopedia #392 Big Balls: The Hamster Ball Of Doom You wanna know about the Hamster Ball of Doom? Yeah, I can tell ya all about it, buddy...IF ya buy me a beer an' a shot. I'm kinda low on funds nowadays. Hey, thanks! Anyway, I was a Minion, Second Class when … Continue reading The Girl With The Green Nipples Goes To San Francisco
Dastardly Bandicoots Trampled My Gooseberries
...no pie for me A Message Dealing With Things To Come Changes are afoot here on the Dociverse Blog, Gentle Readers. First off, starting on my birthday (Jan. 29) I'll be doing more Doclopedia posts. how many more? Well, this year's theme is 365 Days, 500 Entries. Yeah, I didn't learn my lesson with 365/365. … Continue reading Dastardly Bandicoots Trampled My Gooseberries
Now We Are Five
...because Sasha has come to stay Doc, Grace, Lucy & Winker Cross are happy to announce the adoption of Miss Sasha Jane Cross as of 12:30 pm, Jan. 2nd, 2012. Sasha is an approximately 3 year old, red and white Basset Hound. Her previous mom & dad both work, have 2 other dogs and have … Continue reading Now We Are Five
The Mostly True, Yet Still Pretty Unbelievable, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Boys Who Stole Panties
...co-starring her pet guanaco, Pepe You get Doclopedia and fiction today, kids! (Note: I'm posting the fiction from April, 2013, because I forgot to port it over from my now defunct fiction blog.) The Doclopedia #391 Look What I Found!: High Fantasy Roleplaying Edition Look, Ardex, there it is, just as the blind seer … Continue reading The Mostly True, Yet Still Pretty Unbelievable, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Boys Who Stole Panties
My Life Among The Insane Children
...all of whom I am related to by blood The Doclopedia #197 Smells Like Toon Spirit: The Headless Horse There are two very important things that you need to know about the ghostly equine known as the Headless Horse: He's really a very nice fellow and he does have a head. You see, because he's … Continue reading My Life Among The Insane Children
Dragon Pie
...first, you'll need a medium sized dragon The Doclopedia #196 Smells Like Toon Spirit: The Spirit In The Anvil Let's face it, in the cartoon universe, there are lots and lots of anvils. Anvils are the number one item to drop on an unsuspecting nitwit, ranking far ahead of the number two item, pianos. No … Continue reading Dragon Pie
Zany Salamanders Bothered My Dwarf Hamster
...he was off his feed for two days afterward The Doclopedia #195 Smells Like Toon Spirit: Grandma Gussie's Ghost Many cartoon grandmothers are sweet old ladies who bake cookies and have kitty cats and wouldn't harm a fly. Grandma Gussie is not one of them. She was a cantankerous old gal when she was alive … Continue reading Zany Salamanders Bothered My Dwarf Hamster
The 4 Things You Need To Know About Cupcake Gnomes
...#2: they pee vanilla extract The Doclopedia #193 Good Idea/Bad Idea: RoboPets Good Idea: Building sweet little robotic bunnies and kitties that behaved just like the real thing. Bad Idea: Building robotic pitbulls and wolverines. The Doclopedia #194 Good Idea/Bad Idea: Deflecting Trouble Good Idea: Deflecting that 1,000 foot wide meteor away from Chicago. Bad … Continue reading The 4 Things You Need To Know About Cupcake Gnomes
My Pet Jerboa
...a book for strange little kids The Doclopedia #144 The Alphabet: C C is for CRATER CITY First off, Crater City, Western Australia, does sit inside a one mile wide meteor crater located about 450 miles north by northeast of Perth. But if you are expecting to find a real city, you'll be sadly … Continue reading My Pet Jerboa
Never Stick Your Finger In A Hot Meatloaf
...and no, that is NOT a euphemism The Doclopedia #142 The Alphabet: A A is for AIRSHIPS Several other realities have airships as a means of transport for both cargo and passengers. The exact nature of the lifting mechanism is almost as varied as the design of the ships. For example... In the 1930's CyberPulp … Continue reading Never Stick Your Finger In A Hot Meatloaf
We’re Gonna Party Like It’s 2099
...and we'll all wear purple Yo Ho, Maties! We have a new theme and a slightly diffent look... The Doclopedia #135 On New Year's Eve...: Annie Killed Carl ...of 1962, Mrs. Annie Frendel, age 27, of 882 Lincoln Street, Las Vegas, Nevada, killed her husband Carl, age 29. This all happened at 4:00 in the … Continue reading We’re Gonna Party Like It’s 2099
Snowman In The Crockpot
...also known as "water" The Doors Week ends with these two entries. Next week and maybe the week after, it's Retro 365 time again, kids! The Doclopedia #126 This door would have a long line in front of it, but it's very picky. The Door: To Power Everybody wants power. Some want it for good, some … Continue reading Snowman In The Crockpot
Junior Muskrat Confuses A Bullfrog
...frogs are pretty easy to confuse Maybe President Obama should have gone through this door. The Doclopedia #125 The Door: To Change The door that leads to change is a typical cheap hollow core door like you might find in any hotel room or older apartment complex. The frame is no better than … Continue reading Junior Muskrat Confuses A Bullfrog
Our Friend, The Squid
...number 12 in a series The Doclopedia #89 Average Joes: Joe Standing Elk, Fishing Guide Oh yes, my family has been fishing the Thames and it's tributaries since about 1320...not long after we conquered Britain. Of course, some of my grandfathers (the Cherokees on my mother's side) went on to fight the war in Austria, … Continue reading Our Friend, The Squid
The Rare And Beautiful And Huggable Giant Yellow Bunnies Of Potawango Island
...I'm gonna hug 'em and squeeze 'em, George. HAPPY 14th ANNIVERSARY TO MY SWEET ANGEL, GRACE! I love you, baby! And now... The Doclopedia #83 Yippie Ky Ay, Joe's in the Wild West! Average Joes: Joe Chang, Bathhouse Proprietor Yes, yes...you've come to the right place for a bath, sir. For only 50 cents, we'll fix … Continue reading The Rare And Beautiful And Huggable Giant Yellow Bunnies Of Potawango Island
Chapter 60: In Which Our Hero, Disguised As A Trollop, Invades The Castle
...thank goodness for horny nobles The Doclopedia #48 Our pair today live in a fantasy type world, where they are quite the spirited pets. Dogs & Cats Living Together: Abigail & Charmaine Abigail and Charmaine are the pets of a powerful sorceress who lives in a castle deep in a very dense forest. Abby is a … Continue reading Chapter 60: In Which Our Hero, Disguised As A Trollop, Invades The Castle
Magic Undead Bunnies
...brains! brains! alfalfa hay! brains! Here now, a belated birthday gift for my friend Avis, and for your reading pleasure... . The Avis Doc-ument . Concord, New Hampshire, September, 1989 Avis (henceforth referred to as "Avy" was worried that her friend Doc was losing his mind. Not that he hadn’t always been a bit strange … Continue reading Magic Undead Bunnies
I Love The Smell Of Gamma Rays In The Morning
...they smell like HULK SMASH! The Road To DogCon 3: This Year's Route As we all know, the imaginary con takes place in the fictional town of Wilted Springs, Texas. Normally, we would drive either south (thru California or Nevada to Arizona), then turn east...or go east (thru Nevada, Utah and Colorado, then turn south … Continue reading I Love The Smell Of Gamma Rays In The Morning
Caring For Your New Pet Yak
...a must for yak lovers Con Report: DogCon Day Zero Before I launch into the (pre) con report on our day so far, let's recap the trip to get here. Saturday, August 9, 3:00 AM: Car has been packed up since 7:00 PM Thursday. Loaded sleepy wife and sleepy dogs into car. Myself, I'm wide … Continue reading Caring For Your New Pet Yak
The Astounding Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Army Of Steam Giants
...from the July 1893 issue More Fiction: "Welcome Back, Sally Smithfield" (Note: This is an excerpt from "The Return Of Sally Smithfield", the second most popular issue in the series history.) Sally didn't immediately open her eyes, because she was pretty sure she was suffering the worst hangover in the long history of hangovers. Apparently, … Continue reading The Astounding Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Army Of Steam Giants
Moondog Mayhem
...Arrroooooo! Note: The following has nothing to do with Star Wars, but did seem like a good way to tell the story without getting all real lifey and shit. The Jedi Master looked over his seven Padawan Learners and smiled. They were a sharp bunch and were learning rapidly the ways of the Jedi. Today … Continue reading Moondog Mayhem
