…watch out for herons, fish!
Saw Sherlock Holmes today. Fine bit of entertainment, if you assume it’s alternate world Holmes. Guy Ritchie is still far from my favorite director, but he did an ok job. Robert Downey Jr. & Jude Law are both very good as Holmes & Watson. Worth seeing.
The 2009 Subject Line Review: Part 2
Presented for your amusement .
APRIL
The Rare And Beautiful Orange Winged Bats Of Potawango Island…Ol’ Dr. Silkmelon pretty much thinks everything on Potawango Island is rare & beautiful.
Spicy Bongo Stories…Not sure if these spicy stories are about the antelopes called Bongos, are for those same antelopes or are some sexy sort of fiction for or by beatniks.
Drunken Vulcans Are Way Funny…Am I the only one who thinks seeing Spock, T’Pol and Tuvok getting hammered would be hilarious? “I love ya, man…once every 7 years.”
Big Green Gophers…I will just point out that my garden has never been bothered by gophers, green or otherwise.
Sweet Orange Thoughts…Another one that spilled outta my head and onto the word processor.
It’s All Fun and Games Until The Voices In Your Head Start Singing Barbershop Quartet Style…I’m sure that we all know how annoying that can be, especially when the voice that usually says “Kill! Kill!” is singing just slightly off key.
I Bites Da Heads Off Da Chocolate Bunnies!…What better way to celebrate Undead Jesus Day than by decapitating candy lagomorphs?
Bucky & Squint Go To A Star Trek Convention…I have been to exactly one Trek convention, way back in 1982, when a lady friend conned me into it. It was interesting, to say the least.
Nuclear Love Monkey…Sounds like a webcomic title to me. Or maybe a cutesy little nickname for your sweetheart.
Chapter 121: In Which Our Hero, Fresh Out Of The Bath, Discovers A Moose In His Sitting Room…And not being Canadian, he was surprised and alarmed. Had he been Canadian, it would most likely just be his roommate.
Suspicious Looking Kangaroos…Hey, if you aren’t in Australia or a zoo, they would all look suspicious, wouldn’t they?
The 11 Things That Cats Talk About…You’ve got to figure that naps are about 6 of those things.
Postholes For Sale…I think I got this one from a very old joke I heard once.
Quetzalcoatl Is My Co-Pilot…Another in my many attempts to piss off the fundies.
Doc Tempest VS The King Of Crime…Oddly, the King of Crime was not a Republican or a politician.
Rock & Roll Preschool…Because it is never too early to learn how to trash a hotel room.
The Story Of The Good Cop And The Bad Politician…Another one based on a true story. The politician dies, so it does have a happy ending.
Pelicans On The Freeway…I’ve seen them flying over freeways, but never actually on them, since, ya know, they seldom drive around.
And I Shall Name This Blackberry Bush…Ed!…What, you’ve never named a blackberry bush? Name a gooseberry bush? You fucking pervert!
MAY
My Life Without The Internet…One of the few titles based on a recent real life event. It was a harrowing experience.
Poultry In Motion…I grew up on a farm, so I can tell you that poultry are almost always in motion. Also, roosters crow at any hour of the day, if the mood strikes them. And it does. Often.
The 100 Things That I Know About Women…This is, of course, a complete bit of fiction.
The Rare And Beautiful Walking Asparagus Of Potawango Island…Unless they walk pretty damned fast, they’d never escape me and my bamboo steamer.
Archie, The King Of The Downhill Kayak Racers…Since kayaks are almost never used in downhill racing, except by idiots, you can be assured that this was inspired by a true event. Yes, alcohol was involved.
Mayday From A Green Eyed Brunette…Oh, the stories I could tell you about women, if only I were not a gentleman. Hey, stop laughing!
The Chowder Gnomes Make Gumbo…Another fine example of writing while watching the Food Network while hungry.
Chapter 53: In Which Our Hero, Armed Only With A Penknife And A Stoat, Defeats Three Frenchmen…So, were the Frenchmen just a pack of wimps or was that one ass kicker of a stoat?
Old Newts…Sometimes I take the easy ones.
Uncle Zombie Wants Your Brain…I’ve never had a zombie uncle, although a couple of them looked rather undead when they were hung over.
The Snake Man Builds A Boat…Which was a hell of an accomplishment, seeing as how snakes don’t have hands.
Sister Lucy Sets Up Shop…In which I announced that our sweet and timid girl came to live with us.
Millipedes Took My Hotrod Away…Just say no to drugs, kids, or you’ll write shit like that.
Doc Tempest And The Boy Wizard…Adventures in potential copyright infringement!
It’s All Fun and Games Until You Have To Shoot The Place Up And Take Hostages…NOT inspired by a real event!
JUNE
The Triumphant, But Not Wholly Unexpected, Return Of Mostly Purple Patty…I really like Mostly Purple Patty. One day, I really must try to get her done up as a comic book/graphic novel.
The Kitty Cats Talk Shit To A Pair Of Pitbulls…If it was my neighbor’s big old tomcat, the pitbulls would have just stood there and listened.
My Life Among The Women From Another Planet…And that would pretty much be all of them, from little girls to old ladies.
Good Treats, Starring Altoon Brownie…Altoon Brownie first appeared in a TOON game I ran at DunDraCon years ago. He will be featured in a monthly column in the E-zine.
Let’s All Do The Fish Dance!…This, along with the Worm Dance, the Turtle Dance, the Rabbit Dance and many other dances, was something I used to do with my nephews & nieces back when they were little kids. The Fish Dance mostly involved flopping about on the floor.
Mr. Porkwaffle Climbs A Bubblegum Tree…And you thought climbing a pine tree could get you sticky.
The True Story Of How I Rescued A Princess Held Captive In Elko, Nevada…Yes, I really did it. No, I won’t tell it.
Chapter 444: In Which Our Hero, Falsely Accused Of Murder, Escapes Into The American Wilderness…This one just bristles with potential adventure, don’t you think? Makes me go all goose pimply just thinking about it.
How To Become A Ninja In 7 Easy Steps…I never got past the part that said, “buy a black ninja outfit”.
Solar Powered Chicken Cars…Since chickens seldom pass the drivers test, we’ll assume these are cars shaped like chickens. I’d prefer one shaped like a duck.
Ugly Reptile Children Are Stalking You…I’m trying to imagine a cute reptile child, but I’m not seeing it.
Dogs Making Milkshakes, Cats Frying French Fries, Mice Flipping Burgers…I’m thinking those are either very strong mice or very tiny burgers.
Spongebarb Snakepants…An idle mind is the devil’s playground, too.
The Rare And Beautiful Fluffy Walrus Of Potawango Island…I think a fluffy species of walrus would be pretty darned cute.
Neon Vampire Princess Miko…Every time I write one of these fake anime titles, I fully expect to hear that some fanboy/fangirl has written slash fic based on it.
The Adventure Of The Cheese Whiz Bomb…Again with the Cheese Whiz? I don’t even like Cheese Whiz! Fuck you, Cheese Whiz! Leave me alone!
The Breathtaking Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Snake Women Of Mars…I think I’d rather read the steampunk Doc adventures than I would the pulp ones. Assuming, of course, that I ever write them.
Laughing All The Way To The Brink…Of financial ruin, it would seem.
Bucky & Squint Meet The Wolfman…Which is a hell of a lot better than meeting some fucking sparkley emo vampire.
It Was A Drunken Pig Wearing A Bowler Hat…Not exactly based on a true event. The pig was not drunk, though he might have been a bit stoned.
The Squirmy Eel Episode…I’m pretty sure that all eels are squirmy.
The Girl With The Green Nipples Strikes Back…Her nipples were only green the one time, but the nickname stuck.
Yarr, Lass, Come Over Here And I’ll Let Ya Shiver Me Timber…Yeah, I’m a nasty old pirate:)
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