…with his back up band, the Screaming Shrews
The Doclopedia #238
Altered (United) States: Hawaii “Timeless beauty”
Ok, so the whole world knows that there are areas of Hawaii that are “outside of the normal flow of time”, as the guy on Discover Channel puts it. Those places seem to be kind of stuck in an temporal anomaly that has opened a “bubble” of the past. Most of these bubbles are a mile or two wide, although there are bubbles on most islands that measure up to 5 miles across. Inside, it’s pre-human Hawaii…and nothing from our time can enter without dying unless it was living on Hawaii in that location back then. Humans, pigs, dogs, cats, rats…step through a bubble and you dissolve into goo. The tree huggers love that, as you might imagine.
Oddly, machines CAN go through, but they only stay intact a few hours. That’s still long enough to get videos that make scientists and Animal Planet execs quiver with joy. Scientist are working on ways to prolong the lifespan of the machines they send through, but the going is slow.
But not for our own Doctor Corwin! No, my fellow patriots, George here has not only found a type of synthetic “skin” that protects machines for days, he and his team have found out that there are temporal “holes” in the bubbles. They’re very small, no more than a couple of feet across, and they are hard as hell to locate. These holes allow things moving at the proper speed to pass out of the bubble into other times. How fast? In excess of 100 miles an hour. What other times? How about 20 years ago, 2006? Ahh, I see that you’re getting the idea.
That’s right, patriots, we are going to send a small robotic unit back in time to make sure that Barack Obama never gets nominated for president, let alone elected. It won’t take much, just a small bomb placed in the proper spot. After that, we move to step two, which will require exposing John “I Love Working WITH The Democrats” McCain to a virus that should take him out by about mid-2009.
After that, with Sarah Palin as president, the Tea Party movement will have smooth sailing for years, if not decades, to come!
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