…Or is it the other way around?
.
The Doclopedia #1,638
Me And My…: Living Brain
.
NO! You must not touch her! Get away from Erin!
<insert police and FBI agents restraining Dr. Neil Jedlo from attacking FBI CSI’s who were looking at an enlarged human brain sealed in some sort of glass globe>
Alright! I’ll cooperate if you keep them away from Erin. Yes, yes, me wife Erin. Disappeared 3 years ago? No, she did not! Her brain is right there. I…I suppose her body did disappear. Once her brain was safe, I put that weakened husk into the toxic acid pit over at United Chemical. It was totally dissolved in less than an hour. But she no longer needed it. She was alive in the device I created. She was free of cancer and a bad heart. What? NO! I DID NOT KILL HER!
(Insert Dr. Jedlo attempting to attack Detective Inspector Barnes and being restrained again>
The cancer was killing her! I had no choice but to remove her brain. I injected her with the hyperoxygen and the cerebral nutrients and then had 15 minutes to remove her brain and put it into the device, which is filled with hyperoxygen and even better nutrients. I did it in 8 minutes. It was quite messy, but there was no degradation of the brain tissue.
<insert Agent Rox Millder asking about the brain’s size>
Oh, yes, that. Totally unexpected. I can only assume that the solution, being so oxygenated and nutrient rich, stimulated tissue growth. She is just short of three times the size and weight of an ordinary brain. Quite remarkable, really. What? Oh yes, she is completely alive and aware. What good would a dead brain do anyone?
<insert a general panic when a speaker on the device holding the brain emits a human female scream at high volume>
.
.
.
The Doclopedia #1,639
Me And My…: Wombat
.
Mom! Mom! Calm down, okay? It’s not a giant hamster, it’s…NO! It’s not a giant guinea pig, either. Mom! It’s a WOMBAT! They’re from Australia and…no, it doesn’t eat meat, it eats grass and stuff. No, he’s not going to bite. He’s just a baby. Umm, yeah, he will get a lot bigger. MOM, stop yelling! What? Why are you calling dad? Well, tell him Mr. Duggans, the old Australian guy down the street gave him to me. What? Oh, that’s wombat poop. See how it’s cube shaped? Isn’t that cool? I wonder how his butt…MOM! Stop yelling!
.
.
.
The Doclopedia #1,640
Me And My…: Cyborg Cat
.
That’s Felix, our ship’s cat. He’s a fine old guy who has seen his share of action. Yeah, he’s about 50% machine now. Lost his tail when that damned Tulgor accidentally hatched in Cargo Bay 3. Not quite fast enough to outrun it, eh, old boy? Of course, he was faster than poor Ensign Oofkar.
His eye? That was cancer. His ears got shot off during a battle with GirGons that transported on board. Would you believe he led one those snakey bastards into the trash recycler? Hahaha.
He lost his hind legs to a Cirrolon virus, same one that got my left leg from just below the knee. It was some nasty shit, I’ll tell you. His teeth? Old age. Hell, he’s 28 next month. The doctor says that his bionic heart and liver will help him live 4-5 years more. After that? Well, we’ll probably just let him go naturally. But until then, he’s about the best cat in the fleet.
.
.
The Dociverse Blog 