The Totally Not Retconned Because The Author Forgot It Was The First, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The King Of Hot Dogs.

…co-starring her pet muse, Prunella

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The Doclopedia #1,880

Seven Bad Axes: Ziinotaa’s Neckseeker

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We now move on to an axe that was enchanted for purely utilitarian reasons, but then turned to evil use.

After the Great War between the Ariitonians and the Lengalis, there were many Lengali traitors sent to the headsman, sometimes 100 a day. To insure that he did his job cleanly and quickly, the Royal Executioner had his very sharp axe enchanted to unerringly hit the target’s neck and remove the head with a single blow. This made his job much easier and, one might think, gave a bit of comfort to those whose heads he had to remove.

But alas, an Ariitonian by the name of Ziinotaa stole the axe one night and went on a three day long killing spree to avenge his people’s defeat by Lengal. Being as how Ziinotaa was a highly skilled assassin to begin with, he was able to remove the heads of 73 people, mostly Army officers, in his three bloody days owning the axe.

Ziinotaa was finally stopped not by magic or weaponry, but by accidentally stepping on a Deathspike Beetle. He died in excruciating agony a few minutes later.

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The Doclopedia #1,881

Seven Bad Axes: Penellea’s Firestorm

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Yes, young man, this axe is indeed on fire, although just barely. When the museum acquired it 60 years ago, it was red hot and had to be cooled by a series of cold spells. We expect the fire magic in it to fade completely in about 30 more years.

This was the axe of the wizard turned warrior Penellea Vendanora, who one day consorted with the wrong demon and went quite mad. Unfortunately for the world outside her estate in the wilds of Tavoko, her madness took the form of a lust for conquest. Over the course of the next six months, she created both this axe and an army of Flaming Undead. Then she set out to conquer as much of the world as she could.

Happily for those of us in the Seven Kingdoms, she happened to be facing south when she rode out, so a few days later she was 200 miles away and attacking the Oskonoski. She managed to lay waste to about a third of the country before their Wizard’s Guild sent 300 stone golems out to deal with them. The battle raged for a week, but in the end, the Flaming Undead were destroyed and Penellea was crushed into a paste.