Dice Rollin’ Blues

…because of all the damned 1’s

.

A Short Lecture

You And Your Cat

Let’s start this lecture off by saying that if the cat is not yours, you had best either put it back where you found it or wait for a lecture titled “You And The Cat You Stole, You Catnapping Bastard!”

Now, the first thing you need to know is that a cat is not like a dog. Oh, no they are not. For one thing, a dog will shower you with love pretty much constantly if you ask and they are awake. Cats may or may not shower you with love, but when they decide to, often around 3:30 in the morning, you’d better appreciate it.

Another difference is that dogs will eat almost anything you give them, as well as quite a few things you weren’t going to give them, but you weren’t keeping a good enough eye on. Cats will eat many things, but not always what you are trying to feed them. I’d say that on a good day, you have a 1 in 3 chance of your cat wanting to eat what you offer them.

Savvy cat owners know to keep 4 or 5 kinds of dry food and the same amount of wet food. This usually works out, although while you are rummaging around through cat food, they may make off with your sandwich. They may even share it with the dog.

There are people who will tell you cats are more dignified than dogs. I am not sure any of those people have ever actually owned a cat. This misconception probably arises from the fact that when a dog does something stupid, they either act puzzled or happy. Cats will act just as stupid, but then try walking away in a dignified manner, even if they are covered in glue and glitter.

Cats are also prone to bouts of insanity, usually at 3:00 in the morning just before they regain enough sanity to came shower you with love, or possibly go to the bathroom in your shoe.

The primary thing to remember about cats is that you must establish a firm foundation of who is boss. Once you accept that the cat is boss, you will find that having a cat is a joy.

Good day.