…THIS SHOULD HAPPEN!
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The Doclopedia #2,305
Good News & Bad News!: About All Those Geese!
Good: Okay, okay, everybody calm down! I’m back, and as you can see, I’m unhurt. I didn’t see a single goose between Lanesville and here. Not a one! It looks like they’ve left this area. My God, I think maybe we’ve seen the worst of this terrible plague.
No, I don’t know where they went, but all the footprints I saw show them heading east, maybe slightly northeast. Yeah, up Winslow way. The point is, they aren’t here, so we can gather things up our things and head over to Wardell City and get inside the wall in case the geese return.
Now let’s get moving before half a million mutant geese decide to come back this way.
Bad: Mr. President, what you’re seeing is coming in live from just outside Wardell City, Indiana. That is roughly 2 million of the mutant Canada Geese. They are merging together to form one giant goose.
Yes sir, a Goose Kaiju is what the science people are calling it, too. No, they have no idea how it can happen, but then, they barely understand the virus that gave the geese increased speed and strength, razor sharp teeth, and a hive mind. What they do know is that this is happening in 25 other areas around North America.
No sir, we have no estimates for the rest of the world, but we have heard there are 4 of these kaiju forming in Australia and at least 3 in the UK. We’ll know more once the ISS crew launches more satellites.
General Sands and the others are assembling in the…wait, we have a report coming in…oh no…oh no…Mr. President, the kaijus outside Seattle and San Francisco have finished forming and are heading for the cities.
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