…more fake anime
The Doclopedia #2,488
Updates For…: Stuff You Need: Criminal Mastermind
1: A lair, hideout, sanctum, laboratory or general headquarters. Popular locations include islands, mountain tops, undersea cities, old subway tunnels, abandoned factories and lost cities in the jungle.
Recently, old military bases, Chinese ghost cities, and Antarctic bases under the ice have gained popularity.
2: Good diction, for making long speeches and monologues while you have your archenemy tied up or trapped.
Accents, if not too heavy, are a plus.
3: One of the following: a white cat, an eye patch, a facial scar, a missing hand replaced by a mechanical one, a mask, facial hair or a bum leg.
Other options include a wheelchair, robotic eye, black cat, leopard or tiger, filed teeth, and androgyny.
4: Hundreds of goons, thugs, mooks and lackies. Ability to shoot straight or fight hand to hand is optional.
Hire at least double what you think you’ll need.
5: A smokin’ hot girlfriend/mistress, with a preference for tight, sexy and/or minimal clothing.
Or boyfriend, or both. It’s the 21st Century, for Christ’s sake. But whichever you choose, don’t trust them.
6: A lethal assassin, hopefully with some physical flaw that makes him scarier or tougher.
Robots for this job are becoming popular, but can malfunction in fatal ways.
7: A plan for world domination and the device necessary to carry it out. Please be advised that nuclear weapons are so last century. The modern mastermind would do well to look into deadly viruses, nanotechnology or massive computer hacks.
Getting a low IQ fascist sex predator elected president probably won’t work twice.
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