Uncle Thing

…our favorite uncle

The Doclopedia #2,556

Secrets Revealed!: What Happened On Moon Island

You know what? I’m tired of keeping the secret! I’ve held my tongue for 30 years now and I no longer care if his high and mightyness, Duke Almathor, gets embarrassed. I knew him when he was just a snotty little thug in the streets of Tolok.

There were seven of us that set out for Moon Island, out there in the middle of the Lost Sea. Two fighters, two mages, one healer mage, one battlemage, and one thief, our friend the Duke. He was known at Jimpy back then.

We had been told how deadly dangerous the island was, but the lure of treasure, along with the chance to slay the two headed dragon that kept raiding the mainland, lured us in.

I could tell you the long story with all the fights, the deaths, and how when we found the dragon’s horde, it had all been fused into one huge lump. But I’m just going to say that there was one fighter, me, left when the dragon came rushing up out of a cave, yelling that he had smelled us from a mile underground.

Well, I was ready to fight and die. So was Sister Glyssa. Jimpy? He shit himself.

I’m not talking a bit of a crap, oh no. He dumped a liquid load that must have been the last six meals he ate. And he also screamed while doing it. The stench coming off of him was sickening.

Which, it turns out, smelled WAY worse to the dragon, both heads of which began to gag and vomit. He still smelled better than Jimpy.

So I ran forward, put all my weight into stabbing him in the heart, and killed him dead.

After that, it was just a matter of Jimpy cleaning up and us cutting off the dragon heads as proof of death. Our voyage home was all about Jimpy, a more creative storyteller than than Glyssa and I, making up a heroic stoty that did not include fear induced shitting. In the end we all got land and titles, but before long, his Dukeness got thinking he was better than us.

I reckon that’ll change, now.