Blue Johnny Sang His Song

…he sang it to the cops

The Doclopedia #2,584

Old Posts, Annotated: The Stuff That’s Made Of Dreams

Notations are italicized

Wonder Dust

From a lecture given by High Wizard Prelby Smatterkin at the Royal School of Wizardry

(Who is kind of an old goofball.)

“Now it is at about this time in the lecture that many of you are thinking that it would be very nice of this old codger to talk about Wonder Dust, that latest time saving item in the fashionable wizard’s toolkit. (In fact, no wizard carries a tool kit.) Well then, here is what I have to say about it and you can heed my words or not, as you so choose. (Students heed the words of an old fart? HAHAHAHAHA!)

Wonder Dust, as we all know from the advertisements, is made from dreams. That is quite true and it is also why a single usage of the stuff will set you back 24 Silvers. (Note: That’s about a month’s wages.) Extracting dreams is a time consuming affair and processing them into Wonder Dust is even moreso. Then, of course, there is the markup by your local vendor. (Typically, 300%)

Still, one might think that 24 Silvers is not too bad a price for something that can allow you to instantly conjure into being anything you can think of. (Sadly, this does not include Scarlett Johansson and Brie Larson, naked. Or so I’ve heard.) I would be lying to you if I said that Wonder Dust had never been used to good effect by a Wizard. Indeed, I know of several Adventuring Wizards who owe their lives and the lives of their companions to the timely use of Wonder Dust. Just ask Wizard Enrika Coldwater (A cantankerous old gal.) about her use of Wonder Dust to create a Fire Troll for use against a crazed horde of Dark Dwarves.

So, 24 Silvers seems a bit of a bargain, actually. Well, except for the fact that doses of the stuff must be kept in small containers made of Demonbone, since Demon’s do not dream and therefore their body parts are the only materials that can protect you from Wonder Dust infection. (Do NOT get boned by a Demon.) It goes without saying that Demons do not give up their bones and such easily, hence the high price. So, that will be another 15 Silvers for each container. And did we mention the Demonskin gloves you must wear when you un-stopper the container to toss out the dust? (Ugly gloves they are, too.) 50 Silvers per glove and if you think you don’t need them, remember that Wonder Dust can cause portions of the skin that it touches to fade into Dreamtime for days on end. (NOT a fun thing to have happen.) I am told that this is a very unpleasant experience, although not nearly as bad as what might happen if the wind shifts and you inhale the Wonder Dust. That will put you into a state of deep dreaming for several months. (And not good dreams, either.) To avoid inhaling the dust, you will naturally want to buy a 65 Silver full face mask made of Demonskin. (No wonder Demons hate wizards.)

So, let’s tally that all up, shall we? We’ll say that you buy four doses of Wonder Dust. That’s 96 Silvers, plus the 60 you pay for the four containers. That’s 156 hard earned coins and you aren’t even able to safely use the stuff yet. So you pay another 165 Silvers and you are ready to go. (Go on a mission to earn some money, is what you’ll do.) Personally, I can tell you where you can buy scrolls of from 3 to 5 spells for 50 Silvers apiece, which means you could have a dozen or more spells at your disposal and still have money in your purse.

And that, young Apprentices is all I have to say about Wonder Dust.”