Spoon Fight!

…tablespoons only

The Doclopedia #2,672

More Annotated Entries: By The Numbers: 47


…is how many hours it takes to roast a whole Yurb. (Yurbs are much like really large, really dumb cattle.) Mind you, that’s a young Yurb, weighing no more than 2,500 pounds and cooked in a Luzuku style oven. (These ovens are the size of a small house.) Here is the basic recipe, but you should feel free to use other vegetation or meats that are labeled optional. (However, food snobs will talk shit about you later.)

Roast Yurb with Peeled Aaves and Widgib Gravy

Preheat your oven to 500 degrees. It is best to use noomrah wood, but any good hardwood will do. (Noomrah wood smells great, but is very expensive.) Have your slaves scrub all of the spiny hairs off of the Yurb, then have them oil the entire carcass up. Use sloo fat for this, as it will ensure a crunchy skin. (This part of the operation takes up to 48 hours.)

Stuff the Yurb with the following:
50 pounds of peeled aaves

20 pounds of dilki leaves (And not those crappy ones from Huujistan, either.)

6 pounds each of chopped gimus, weej, ifulo root, huustok, gox berries and lelele flowers. (A rough chop will do.)

3 pounds each of olibix hearts (fresh, not pickled), zanzan livers (optional), qurfbeast sausages (optional), smoked viskfish, beeleen duck pate and giant clamjelly eyes (optional) (Zanzan livers taste better if you lightly poach them first.)

1 pound each of bixfruit (fresh or canned), samasodo melon (optional), nightfruit (dried is best), deshki apples (unpeeled, optional) and triff. (Good luck finding decent triff since the Seven Plagues hit Avmill.)

Half a pound each of green, red and yellow widgib leaves (Better to go with a full pound each.)

Now, have your slaves place the Yurb into the oven and close the door. After you have performed the Ritual of Slow Cooking (which should take no more than 30 minutes), reduce the oven heat to 250 degrees and go away for 10 or 12 hours. (Do NOT skimp on the Ritual of Slow Cooking, you sinful bastards.)

After 10-12 hours, the mix of Yurb fat drippings and widgib leaf oils will have run out into your eseem collector. You should have 30 to 40 gallons. Have your slaves place this in a cool spot until just before the Yurb is done. (Make sure they do not eat any of it.)

When the Yurb is tender all the way through, have your slaves make up the gravy and then perform the Ritual of The Great Feast. (Use literate slaves for this, because the Ritual of The Great FEAT will fuck everything up.) When they are done, exile them to the Great Foomisso Jungle for a week. (NO! The Great Foomisso Jungle is now overrun with skleeps. Just send them into any nearby forest.)

Serve the Yurb to your Honored Guests and then follow the feast up with Paffwine and the Ritual of Pleasant Digestion.