…but some antibiotics cleared it right up
Hey, Gentle Readers, this week is all about things that want to mess you up real bad. Also: The end of civilization as we know it.
The Doclopedia #107
The Rise Of The…: Crazies!
“Dude! I’m calling to see if yer ok. Shit is all fucked up here, dude! People are killin’ people and shit! Me and Gary and Drew were waxin’ our boards and this chick like, started screaming and shit and then she picked up a rock and started whalin’ away on this dude’s head! His fuckin’ brains came out, dude! Then other people started going crazy and we ran for the car and…oh fuck, man…Drew is laughin’ and choking Gary! Drew! Drew!” No signal
Final broadcast from station WMZY, Tupelo, Mississippi. July 12th, 4:37 PM
“…so we repeat again…stay in your homes and do not leave. Arm yourselves and defend against anyone showing signs of violent insanity…remember that the whites of their eyes will be very yellow and they will be incapable of much coherent speech. Animals will flee from them. What? Huh? Oh dear lord! Folks, our technician tells me that our studio is surrounded by at least two dozen of the insane. Some of them seem to have firearms and others have knifes and clubs and such. I doubt they can get in here…this building has thick concrete walls…but they might knock out our trans…” Signal lost
“No no no, mom! You and dad stay there with Marsha and Ken. You’re far enough out in the country that you should be safe for a few days. Besides, Ken has plenty of guns and knows how to use them. Amy and I and the kids are ok for now. I mean, were up seventeen stories, for goodness sake. Yes, the news was right…we can see Central Park from here and it’s a battle zone. I think the police are winning. Oh yes, there are maybe 30 or 40 people on this floor, plus a dozen or so on the next and a few on the roof. Huh? What? Wait a minute, mom, the dogs are barking. I’m going to go see what’s up” Loud, indistinct sounds, then silence, then signal lost
“Ok, listen up, men. As far as we can tell, this outbreak of insanity started three weeks ago in India when some archaeologists opened up a newly discovered tomb. Our scientists think they got infected by some fungus spores, then spread it around when two of them flew back to London and Seattle, passing through a total of 6 major airports along the way, all the while contagious as hell. After that, it just kept spreading until six days ago when the shit hit the fan. They’re working on a cure or a vaccine over at CDC, but progress is slow. In the meantime, our mission is simple: Kill as many of these crazy sons of bitches as we can. It’s looking like new infections have dropped way off, but we aren’t taking chances. That’s why we are issuing dogs and cats to as many units as we can, as fast as we can. If old Kitty or Spot starts acting up around somebody…even somebody in your unit…you disarm and restrain the human in question. If you can’t do that, you shoot their ass! Then you…what the blue hell is that bomber doing way out here? Corporal, get me Air Force on the…” EMP disruption of transmission. Signal lost
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