…because that takes a bunch of shampoo and a lot of time.
The Doclopedia #740
Cool Hats: The Amazing Floral Hat
Once upon a time, a fancy hat belonging to a very posh lady who was attending the races at Ascot. Through some means that respectable people would never discuss, but involved her and young member of the House of Lords to whom she was not married, the hat got lost. After that, the whereabouts of the hat are unknown until 4 years later when it popped up in a thrift store in Whimsy, Nebraska. It was purchased by a young lady of 15 years, who put it on as soon as she paid for it ($5.00) and began walking home.
By the time she had walked the 2.35 miles home, the young lady had saved the life of a rich old man who gave her $50,000 in cash as a reward, attracted the attention of a famous movie director who was scouting locations and decided she should star in his next movie, met up with a sweet little homeless puppy, was asked out on a date by the dreamiest guy in school and found out her two little brothers were being sent away to boarding school. Obviously, this is one lucky hat.
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The Doclopedia #741
Cool Hats: The Beret of Traveling
Look, it’s simple, mac. You put on the beret, you think of where ya wanna go and Bingo!, yer there! You’ll stay there as long as you want, so bring plenty of dough with ya. Whenever you want to leave, you just think “Time to go home now” and you’ll be back home in a flash. It don’t hurt that the beret makes ya look pretty snazzy, either.
Time travel? Hell if I know. All I ever did was go places in the present. I guess ya could give it a try. Yeah, this bar has been here since 1874. 1890? Ok, sure, give it a try.
That was quick! You were only gone for 5 minutes. It worked? Son of a bitch! Wow, yeah, that’s an 1890 Smurtz Beer commemorative mug! Those are worth about five grand on uBay. Say, are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’, buddy? Yeah, yeah, you go ahead and I’ll get my grandson to fire up his computer and get on uBay.
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